You’ve heard it all before. The traditional sex, intimacy and relationship advice – dating advice about attachment styles, a new communication formula for you to follow, a new erogenous zone to explore, etc.
The problem for Superwomen like yourself is that the traditional advice isn’t going to cut it. Because there’s more going on beneath the surface.
Superwomen love checking their boxes and are great at getting sh*t done. I know, I’m a recovering Superwoman myself. But seeking a formula to follow like “have sex X times per week” or “go out on a date night 1x per week” isn’t going to bring you the love, sex and intimacy you’re craving. Because when it comes to what’s getting in the way of the sex, love and intimacy you desire, the fundamental flaw is in our approach and mindset.
As Superwomen, we’re always on a quest for more knowledge because being able to solve problems, get shit done, kick butt in the boardroom, etc. has made us so successful in our careers. But simply seeking out and implementing more traditional intimacy advice isn’t going to change the fact that:
When a Superwoman has a problem, we’ll likely do more, do something different, and do better. But that leaves us feeling exhausted, experiencing Feminine Burnout AND pissed, resentful and lonely when our efforts don't work.
So what does that have to do with sex, love and intimacy? Everything. Because we can’t approach intimate relationships the same way we approach our careers. And that’s where Superwomen need to address their approach and mindset.
There are three fundamental factors that are getting in the way of the sex, love and intimacy you’ve been craving but haven’t been able to receive.
You’re constantly exhausted because there’s always more, better, or new things to do. When Superwomen put in the effort and don’t see any real changes, they get resentful and go into more DOing. But at that point it’s coming from fear based thinking, and fear based motives will always fail (see pleasure prescription no. 4 for more information on choosing pleasure over fear). Just like fear based motives fail, “doing” in sex and intimacy fails.
Your reference point is generally in the past. Whether you realize it or not, you’re trying to change or overcome something from the past – a trauma, past hurt, past fight. For many of the Superwomen I work with, even when their intimate relationships are going great, there’s a lingering fear that the other shoe is going to drop or that they don’t deserve for things to be this good. For example, thinking “when is he going to let me down again?”. Superwomen struggle to enjoy being present with what they have because they’re so focused on their past negative beliefs of love, sex and intimacy or the times it didn’t work out.
This is when you’re focusing only on the belief that your needs are not being met, instead of meeting the situation with compassion and exploring the whole picture. This can look like “if only he put the dishes away”, “if only he initiated sex for once”, “if only he took the lead around the house and stepped up”, “if only I had more time, money, etc.”. These are external excuses Superwoman use to not do any different. I know this well, because I’m a recovering Superwoman too.
When you look at the fundamental factors blocking Superwomen from the sex, love and intimacy they desire, it’s no wonder this is so hard and can feel so lonely, especially because admitting you want more in these areas can feel shameful.
But trust me, Superwoman, you are not alone. I know you have done enough therapy to know that these are some core issues and quick tips meant for Instagram slides is not what is going to fix this problem. I do, however, explain these blocks in more detail in episode 84 of The Pleasure Principles podcast AND provide a few actionable steps for you to start breaking down these blocks.
If my work speaks to you and you know that you can’t keep ignoring this area of your life, there are two ways you can work with me right now.
1:1 Coaching (limited spots available for 2023): Coaching for women who "have it all" (the career, house, car) but feel like something is missing when it comes to intimate relationships.
The Pleasure Principles: A self-paced foundational program for Superwomen seeking fulfillment in life and relationships.