5 Strategies to Help You Live a Life of Pleasure in 2023

Jan 05, 2023


I'm sure you're hearing people talk all about their resolutions or what their plans are for this year but the one thing I want for you is for you to
live your most pleasurable year yet.

Last year I wrote a blog article with some tips for making your life more pleasurable, but this year I’ve gone more in depth. This year I’ve put together a series of Pleasure Prescriptions that will help guide you with actionable steps you can start taking immediately for big changes in 2023.

I also recorded mini podcast episodes for each pleasure prescription which will provide more guidance on each topic. If you’re taking pleasure seriously this year, I highly recommend giving them a listen.

I want to start by asking you a couple of questions.

What if every time you saw your partner you were excited?

What if you could experience deeper intimacy and more connected relationships without trying HARDER? 

What if you could experience deeper intimacy and more connected relationships without adding more to your always growing to do list?

It might not seem possible, especially for your Superwoman, analytical brain. But it is possible. And it happens by learning to get in touch with our feminine energy and prioritizing pleasure.

Here are 5 ways that you can start getting in touch with your feminine energy and prioritizing pleasure for an amazing 2023 and beyond.

 

Pleasure Prescription No.1: Adopt a Daily Pleasure Practice

The first thing I want you to do is to adopt a daily pleasure practice. Ask yourself this question.

What is one thing per day you can commit to that feels good?

When I say “feels good” I mean something that actually feels good and not the traditional self-care advice that never works and causes you more stress than happiness. What this is actually about is making small incremental changes over time that you stick to and make a massive impact on your life.

This could be something that feels good mentally like journaling to get all the crap out of your head or something that feels good physically like a movement practice (i.e. yoga, dancing). It could also involve habit stacking – like taking extra time to put on lotion slowly and purposefully after your bath.

The key to adopting a daily pleasure practice is ensuring that it’s something that is truly pleasurable to you and makes your vibe higher when you’re done.

Listen to episode 77 of The Pleasure Principles podcast for more advice on adopting a daily pleasure practice.

 

Pleasure Prescription No.2: Stop Doing

Your first pleasure prescription was to add something but now I want you to focus on taking something away that doesn’t bring you pleasure because what we stop doing is equally as important as what we take action on.

To do this I want you to create a “stop doing” list. I recommend taking some time to brainstorm a list of things you’d like to stop doing that aren’t bringing you happiness or pleasure. Once you’ve created your list you should create themes or pick 2 items that you are going to take action on.

An example of something you can put on your stop doing list is to stop saying “yes” on the spot. People-pleasing Superwomen often tend to over commit which leads them to saying “yes” on the spot and taking care of everything. If this sounds like you, you can adopt the practice of responding more with “let me think about it” or “let me chat with my team and get back to you”. First decide if what’s being requested is in your pleasure and then circle back.

Another example of something you can put on your stop doing list is to stop worrying about what other people think; at work, in the bedroom, in relationships. 

I also recommend looking at your calendar. What are things on your calendar that you do daily and hate? Can you delegate them or ask for help? Take a look and determine what you can offload that isn’t bringing you pleasure.

And finally, another item I recommend adding to your list is to stop spending time with people that drain you. A lot of the Superwomen I chat with tell me they feel lonely because they don’t have a lot of friends in their geographical location. Having friends in diverse places is great but sometimes it leads to surrounding yourself with people locally who do not bring you joy. If this sounds like you, you deserve more and should add this to your stop doing list for 2023.

Listen to episode 78 of The Pleasure Principles podcast for more advice on creating and implementing a stop doing list.

 

Pleasure Prescription No.3: Create Space

The next area I want you to focus on is creating space. Just like we need to relax, open and create space to receive in the bedroom, we need to create space in ALL areas of our lives. Space is a feminine practice I teach in my programs, but I’m going to give you a sneak peek here. 

There are 2 areas where you can easily create space – physically and energetically. And when you’re creating space you should always start with the intention of “how do I want to feel?”.

Physically, you should have a pleasure room, corner or area in your home or office that makes you feel how you want to feel. Perhaps this area needs a little decluttering, or maybe you need to buy a new pillow or a chair that you love. Whatever it is, the key is that this space makes you feel the way you want it to make you feel. 

Another physical area you can create space is your closet – getting rid of clothes that don’t feel good on your body or don’t make you feel good when you look at them or put them on.

Energetically, where can you create space that’s just for you? Take a look at your calendar and find time you can block off where the time is just for you and something that makes you feel the way you want to feel. For example, blocking off an afternoon per week where you do an exercise class you love or blocking off a weekend for a spa retreat. Again, they key is doing this with the intention of how you want this to make you feel.

Listen to episode 79 of The Pleasure Principles podcast for more advice on how to create physical and energetic space in your life.

 

Pleasure Prescription No.4: Choosing Pleasure Over Fear

For this pleasure prescription we are going to stop fear based thinking and practice our pleasure mindset. 

Of course, this is not in place of professional therapy but instead, providing insight into some of the tools that I teach to the women I work with. It’s all part of a bigger concept, but these tools work and when implemented you will start to see immediate shifts in your relationships.

The women I work with are often stuck in a state where they’re over thinking and over-doing. When we’re in this state we are fearful, which causes us to control. This can look like fixing, helping, criticizing, judging, planning ahead, etc.

When we’re in fear and responding by controlling, fixing or doing, we’re in a state of resistance – attracting men who are resistant, situations that are resistant, people who are resistant to providing what we crave.

We need to get ourselves into non-resistance so we can start feeling supported, seen and desired. This concept goes far beyond this pleasure prescription, but one way we can do this is by choosing pleasure over fear and here are 3 steps you can take to get started.

  1. Notice fear based thoughts. This is anything that doesn’t come from love like the need to control or manipulate, judgment, comparison, blame, criticism, hide, run, freeze, fix etc.

  2. Acknowledge those thoughts. For example, “there’s my critical voice again” or “there’s my fear based thinking again”. And the goal is to be in neutral energy around it. No bullsh*t and trying to “love” your fear-based thinking or anything like that. Just neutrality.

  3. Focus on something pleasurable. Look around for something that feels good like a ray of light, your pets, your children, the feeling of your feet touching your partner’s leg on the couch, etc.

This is all about training our brains to move from fear to pleasure.

Listen to episode 80 of The Pleasure Principles podcast for more advice on training your brain to choose pleasure over fear.

 

Pleasure Prescription No.5: Receiving Pleasurable Touch

Your final pleasure prescription is all about receiving. If you’re a Superwoman, you’re likely very good at doing but not very good at receiving

We’re not great at accepting compliments, we’re not great at accepting gifts and we’re not always great at accepting physical touch. This can look like when our partner comes up and touches our arm and we pull away or shrug them off. This is because when we are in sympathetic overdrive, the pleasure centers in our brain are not functioning. 

So here we are in our comfort zone, over-giving and “doing” to earn our love, but we’re not able to receive. In fact, our nervous systems are not even in a state to do so, which is why we need to shift our nervous systems into a parasympathetic state. Here are 3 ways to help shift your nervous system to help you receive more pleasure and connection.

  1. Imagine pleasurable touch. Imagine yourself sitting somewhere peaceful and a man is with you and he leans toward you and touches your arm or somewhere on your body with no expectations, just exchanging energy. How are you feeling? For a lot of Superwomen, even just imagining pleasurable touch from someone who loves us is uncomfortable – which brings us to the next step.

  2. Practice pleasurable self-touch. Explore how you like to be touched on all different areas of your body – this doesn’t need to be an erogenous area. If we don’t know these things for ourselves, we can’t communicate it or receive it from someone else.

  3. Pleasurable touch with a partner. If you’re the partner who is always initiating or reaching out I want you to take a step back so you can create the energetic space for your partner to move toward you. When you are being touched by your partner I want you to focus on receiving it. Focus on tuning in and exploring how each different touch makes you feel. This is about you, how you feel and what makes you feel good.

Listen to episode 81 of The Pleasure Principles podcast for more advice on being comfortable with receiving physical touch.

 

You have it all but something is still missing, now what?

These pleasure prescriptions are part of a larger concept but when you consistently implement them into your life, you will notice significant improvements in your relationships, intimacy, connection and beyond.

If you’re still craving more, I recommend applying to work with me 1:1. My private coaching is all about bringing you the success you have in the boardroom to your bedroom and relationships. Because you have it all together on the outside but still feel lonely, lost, and unworthy on the inside. And it’s time to change that.

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