Not Your Average Sex Tips: How To Be In Your Feminine For Better Sex

If I know one thing about over-functioning Superwomen, it’s that you are smart, capable and you have done your work. You’ve spoken to the therapists, you’ve searched Dr. Google, you’ve listened to the podcasts. You’re used to taking control and managing everything, so it’s no surprise you take action when you need to. 

That’s why you’re reading this article and listen to my podcast – because you want more. You want to be desired more, connect more, enjoy having time and space more. I’ve been there, too.

That is also the reason why traditional sex tips and therapy do not work for you and Superwomen like you. It’s the same for the thousands of Superwomen I work with. She’s smart enough to Google where her g-spot is and how to give a memorable blow job. She has listened to the podcasts and has done her research. 

But something is still missing. She is still not fulfilled.

And at the end of the day these methods aren’t working for you because you’ve done so much over-functioning that common tips, advice, and tactics don’t work because you don’t have the foundation to build upon. 

That’s why I’m here to cut through the noise and go beyond the traditional tips for better sex and give you five actionable tips to be in your feminine for better sex and relationships that you can implement right away.

Superwoman Sex: What’s Not Working

In so many of my clients, I see masculine energy in overdrive. Many women feel pressure to constantly be in their masculine pole in order to succeed in their careers and in the world. I work to help those women recognize and embrace their innate feminine energy. 

They may be CEOs in a world that rewards masculine qualities, but that doesn’t mean they can’t embrace and find power in their feminine ones. In fact, a woman who sources her creativity and energy from taking exquisite care of herself is more powerful than one who pushes so hard that she exhausts herself and is no longer experiencing joy and pleasure. 

But if you’ve been reading my blog articles, following me on Instagram or listening to my podcast you probably know by now that the tools that you use to succeed in business and your career are not the tools you need to succeed in a relationship or to have a fulfilling sex life.

So let’s talk more about Superwoman sex.

If you’re like me (a recovering Superwoman) or the thousands of women I’ve worked with, sex (if you’re having it) probably looks a little bit like this:

First you cuddle 

Maybe you start kissing

You both take off your clothes

You go down on him 

He goes down on you

Perhaps you mix up positions because that’s what Cosmo said he wants

One or both of you has an orgasm

End scene

I call this checkbox sex and it’s very on-brand for Superwomen because we like our to-do lists. 

We’re successful, we take care of everyone and everything, we don’t ask for help, we get shit done and we are busy. But because of this, we haven’t given ourselves full permission to have pleasurable sex. 

Good sex requires three things.

1. Presence
   
   You’re not able to be present because you’re in your head. Perhaps you’re thinking of what emails you need to send, worrying about how you look or are concerned about getting your partner off. But good sex required getting ut of our head and being present in our bodies.
2. Connection
   
   Women often tell me they’re “great roommates” with their partner but they’re not great lovers. They’re not truly connected on a deeper intimate level with their partners.
   
   
3. Pleasure 
   
   We’ve been conditioned as Superwomen to work hard and we have no idea the potential that our bodies and lives have for receiving pleasure. And that’s because we’re too stuck doing, giving and over-functioning. 

Even when I have clients tell me, “I am a total superwomen BUT our sex is pretty good”, every time after they’ve started working with me I eventually get the “I just had the best sex of my life” messages.

That’s because they’ve learned how to embrace their feminine energy. And sex from the feminine is entirely different than checkbox sex (which has a purpose sometimes too, but it’s often not what Superwomen truly desire).

Sex from the feminine doesn’t care about the end goal. It’s about “what am I feeling now?”, “what do I desire in this present moment?”. For a feminine sexual experience with yourself or with your partner, you have to be capable of existing in your body (not your head) and capable of opening yourself up to receiving pleasure.

The difference between checkbox sex and feminine sex is something like:

“This doesn't feel great but I think he will be done soon” or “Ya this is ok and I can probably orgasm”

 Versus

 “That feels good, I want to explore more of that” or “That was a bit triggering and I need to stop, let’s try something else”

The sacred feminine energy is nurturing, soft, grounded with strong boundaries and trusting of her intuition. The sacred masculine energy is present, logical and focused with a deep desire to protect and build. When these two energies work together within us, they create a sweet union that allows us to embrace all that makes us human. 

But as Superwomen we’ve devalued our feminine energy and are primarily in our masculine. Which is why we often feel unhappy, lonely, unfulfilled and like something is missing.

5 Ways To Have Better Sex From Your Feminine

 Providing a bit of background on feminine and masculine energy and the sex you’re probably having as a Superwoman is important because these tips aren’t your average sex tips – it goes much deeper than that. These tips are all about ongoing steps you can take to get in your feminine that will in turn result in better sex and more connected relationships.

1.  Cultivate a morning ritual
   
   Cultivate a morning ritual to engage with your intuition, whatever that means to you. Keep it simple and allow it to unfold naturally over time. A key element is the ability to be receptive. Take a moment (it can even be 10 minutes) in the morning to ground and connect with yourself, to enter into a receptive state where you get to listen to your heart and all the wisdom of nature around you. This will help you get in front of your day and actively engage with what’s aligned with your highest self and highest vision.
   
   This could be something a simple as waking up 10 minutes before everyone else in your house and taking your time making a tea or coffee. It could be spending a few minutes outside with nature. What’s important is that you give yourself the space to connect and be in a receptive state to listen to your intuition.
   
   
2.  Have a self-pleasure practice
   
   If you’re not practicing self-pleasure, you’re missing out on a massive part of your sexuality, your sexual health and your ability to connect and be present. And I’ve heard all the excuses around not practicing self-pleasure, the shame, that they don’t need to because they have a partner, etc. But I’m here to tell you that self-pleasure is self-care and if you’re someone who feels shame around self-pleasure or sex, I recommend checking out my program The Pleasure Principles.
   
   
3. Let go of the “shoulds”
   
   This is all about getting out of your head. Let go of thinking about how it should go, what our partner wants, etc. instead of being in your body, listening to your intuition and being present and moving with that.
   
   
4.  Reflect on these journal prompts
   
   This could be part of your morning ritual or it could be something you reflect on throughout the day, but ask yourself:
   
   What is my relationship to pleasure?
   How good am I willing to let myself feel?
   What is one thing I will do for my pleasure today?
   
   
5.  Cultivate a sacred space
   
   Find a place in your home where you can immediately feel grounded. For example, you can set up a meditation pillow and create a little altar, even if that’s just a candle, a crystal, or a flower. It can be something super simple but the point is that when you enter that space, even if it’s just a small corner of your house, you feel grounded and connected with your intuition. Personally, I’m constantly on the road so I have a little travel altar kit that I bring with me that immediately grounds me into a space.

 
I know these aren’t what you’re used to hearing when you Google “how to have good sex”, but I promise that if you start practicing this advice to connect with your feminine, you’re going to be messaging me “I just had the best sex of my life” just like the Superwomen I work with.

If you want to learn more about this topic, I highly recommend listening to episode 72 of The Pleasure Principles podcast where I expand on how to embrace your feminine for better sex. 

Need more help exploring your desires and having deeper connection and intimacy in your relationships?

There are two ways you can work with me to fill the void you’ve been feeling and achieve the intimacy and connection you’ve been craving.

1:1 Private Coaching with Dr. J

At the time I am writing this, applications are open for private coaching – Private and exclusive pleasure and intimacy coaching for successful women looking for intimacy, better sex, and more connected relationships. Click here to learn more and apply to work with me.  

Enroll in the Pleasure Principles™

Pleasure Principles™ is the foundational program created by Dr. Jordin Wiggins to enhance, reignite, and communicate your desires, while bringing the vitality back to you and your relationships. Click here to learn more and enroll in the program.