Do you like giving blowjobs? Have you ever wondered who first looked at a dick and thought.. I want to put that in my mouth?
I gave my first unofficial blowjob tutorial to a group of ladies during our pre-med degree after a Cellular Physiology class. Which is probably when I should have known I was destined to be a sex educator.
I’ve been chatting with the women in my Pleasure Principles group and those in the Feminine Mentorship this year and BJs have been a big topic of discussion!
I also put up a poll on my Instagram stories and was overwhelmed with the responses! There were hundreds of votes and DMs which resulted in an almost even split – 47% of you were on team BJ!
But that means 53% of you are NOT a fan of blowies. Here are some of the responses I received from those who do not like giving blowjobs:
I feel like i am not good at it
I don’t like the smell of spit and have a bad gag reflex
I feel like it’s degrading, like we aren’t equals
I don't like him watching me
I hate when they don’t communicate well (like nudging the back of my head)
I don’t like feeling obligated
I hate getting on my knees
I could write a whole blog article just on the reasons why you don’t like giving blowjobs.
But my goal today is to help those who want to learn how to give a great blowjob and actually enjoy doing it! I’m creating a comprehensive training for the women in the Pleasure Principles on how to give a great blowjob, so if you’re looking for more I recommend checking it out.
Before I talk about blowjob techniques, I want to go over a few tips to help you not only give a great blowjob, but truly enjoy it. Because obligatory sex is not sexy and neither is doing it without reciprocal enjoyment.
You can't get blowjobs right. Something I say often when it comes to sex is that if you’re trying to “get it right” you’re already doing it wrong.
Every partner is different and desires can change many times throughout someone’s lifetime or even day to day. So trying to check a box (first I lick the shaft, then I cup the balls, etc.) is NOT going to help you enjoy giving a blowjob, because you are in your head and not in the experience.
Not only is giving a blowjob more enjoyable when you are truly present and connected, it’s also much more enjoyable for the receiver if you are present, connected and responding to his and your turn on.
Remember that this experience should be pleasurable for you both! Let him know what you like and what you don’t like. For example, do you hate his hand on the back of your head, or him expecting you to deep throat? Open up communication and talk about it. These can truly be easy conversations to have.
“Babe, I really want to enjoy going down on you and doing it more often. One of the reasons I don't is because when you jam your dick down my throat I feel like I am going to choke and I hate it.”
Giving pleasure to your partner is so much better when you are into it too.
You should know how to do this for yourself through exploring your desires, your likes and dislikes, etc. If this is something you struggle with, I highly recommend joining Pleasure Principles – the groundbreaking program to enhance, reignite, and communicate your desires, while bringing the vitality back to you and your relationships.
Now let’s talk about a couple of techniques behind giving a great blowjob. And remember, these tips are not strict guidelines to follow – when you’re trying to do it “right” and check a box, you’re doing it wrong.
For some reason, there is this belief that using your hands is cheating or doing it wrong. Not only is this not at all true, thinking that anything is right or wrong takes the fun out of it all!
You can use your hand at the base of his shaft and use your mouth on tip. This is helpful for those who feel like they’re choking or have a sensitive gag reflex.
You can swirl your tongue around if your neck is tired.
You can stop and use just your hands in between.
You can use your hands to massage his testicles while he is in your mouth, at a pressure and pace that is arousing for him.
(In the Pleasure Principles training I am recording, I will give 20 different hand techniques!)
Transitions are a very overlooked part of more connected intimacy for both men and women.
How do you go from desire to initiation to foreplay to intercourse to aftercare? As an example, let's talk about going from foreplay to the act of giving a blowjob.
You can gently hold the base of his penis in your hand and then use your tongue to slowly lick it from the base to the tip. Vary your technique – moving your tongue from side-to-side, changing your speed, etc.
Have fun with it. Be more intentional about transitions and techniques. Explore new desires, likes, dislikes. And feel free to let me know your thoughts! I’m always available to chat about these topics by Instagram DM!
I also recorded a podcast episode on this topic in more detail – check out Episode 92 of The Pleasure Principles with Dr. Jordin Wiggins.
There are 2 ways that you can work with me (a Naturopathic Doctor turned pleasure and intimacy coach).
Pleasure Principles - This is my flagship program to help you enhance, reignite, and communicate your desires, while bringing the vitality back to you and your relationships. Pleasure Principles is a curated, online training program with monthly group coaching and group chat community. Click here to learn more.
1:1 Private Coaching - Private pleasure and intimacy coaching for successful women looking for intimacy, better sex, and more connected relationships. For high-achieving, successful women who have it together on the outside, but feel lonely, lost, and unworthy on the inside. For women who find themselves thinking things like "maybe this is as good as it gets" and "I already have so much, maybe I should just be happy". Click here to learn more.