How To Reconnect Your Relationship And Stop Making The Same Superwoman Communication Mistakes

Mar 14, 2024

Remember the early days of your relationship? The New Relationship Energy, the electric spark, the feeling of being home. But then somewhere along the line, things changed. Now it feels like there are miles between you and your partner.

If you're nodding along, feeling the sting of distance and disconnection with your partner, you're not alone.

It feels like a slap in the face when you realize that the connection you once had has fizzled out. Maybe your partner used to call and text, help out around the house, and be your teammate, but now it all feels flat. You're left wondering if this is really the right relationship for you, or if you're doomed to keep repeating the same old issues.

So, what's the big mistake many high-achieving, people-pleasing women make in relationships? It's simple. We suck at communicating our needs when we're scared they won't be met. Instead of expressing ourselves honestly, we either try to do everything ourselves or make excuses to over-function.

From New Relationship Energy to Resentment

Before we delve into how to fix this communication problem for high-achieving women in relationship, let's talk about NRE – New Relationship Energy. 

There's a biological reason why we feel so attracted to our partners at the beginning of a relationship. It's like being intoxicated on a cocktail of feel good hormones like dopamine, oxytocin and norepinephrine. 

But what if we could have the best of both worlds – that initial spark AND the deep connection that comes from building a partnership together?

The truth is, the deterioration of a relationship doesn't happen overnight. It's the little behaviors that build up over time. 

He's always late..

He'd rather watch the game than help with chores..

This is just how he is…

He won’t do it right anyway..

Or maybe you argue over trivial things like buying the wrong brand of coconut milk. 

And what does a high-achieving Superwoman do when faced with a problem? She leaps into action to fix it or ignores it, burying her feelings until resentment builds up

How to Restore Connection In Your Relationship Through Communication

Eventually, you decide it's time to talk about your feelings. You gather your thoughts, examples, maybe even write it all out to come up with a solution. But more often than not, the conversation doesn't go as planned

You think by discussing what went wrong AND getting them to understand how it makes you and/or them feel, you will feel seen, heard and more connected. Problem solved, peace restored. 

But what happens in reality?

Denial, withdrawal (“oh I can never make you happy”), blaming (you never ___ you always ___), etc. – and it all leads to more frustration and distance. Words get twisted and before you know it you are fighting about something that happened 3 years ago.

So why is it that women who can excel so well in the boardroom struggle to resolve conflicts and stay connected in intimate relationships? It's because our focus is on fixing the problem.

Going straight to fixing the problem is based on fear, instead of nurturing connection.

We're so used to achieving success by checking off boxes and doing all the things, that we forget relationships require something different.

Let’s be clear. This is NOT because you don't know how to communicate effectively. I work with women who are running successful multi-million dollar companies, managing teams for huge organizations, or just generally being bad*ss in their career. 

It IS because a high-achieving superwoman's focus is on the wrong thing when discussing issues in intimate partnership. Like I said, we’re problem solvers who often go straight to fixing.

I know what you’re thinking. “Ok Jordin.. If I’m not supposed to “fix”, what the heck am I supposed to do?”

Instead of trying to immediately fix the problem, do this instead:

  1. Focus on connection (we can share our feelings when we do it in a connected way)
  2. Don't try and solve things in the moment (I know it’s tempting)
  3. Let things be messy (get comfortable sitting with uncomfortable feelings)
  4. Come from the feminine (yes, that means being vulnerable)


In the end, it's not about fixing the problem but
fostering connection and understanding. So, let go of the Superwoman cape and embrace the power of vulnerability and connection in your relationship. 

Because that's where true intimacy lies.
 

How To Achieve Deeper Connection And Intimacy In Your Relationship

As people-pleasing women who have been conditioned all our lives to be this way, it’s not always easy making that shift. But with the right help, it can be easier and more fun than you’d ever imagine!

Here are a few ways I can help you:

REVIVE: A 5-week private coaching program tailored for high achieving women who want to heal their relationship dynamic *Offered for a limited time*

Listen to my podcast: The Pleasure Principles with Dr. Jordin Wiggins

Read my book: The Pink Canary: The Hidden Secret to Optimum Health for Women

Pleasure Principles™: My signature program that will teach you to enhance, reignite, and communicate your desires, while bringing the vitality back to you and your relationships.

1:1 Private Coaching: Private and exclusive coaching for successful women looking for deeper intimacy, better sex, and more connected relationships.

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