The Connection Between Over-Functioning, Your Health and Your Sex Life
In my last blog, I explained how your Superwoman conditioning is getting in the way of the sex, connection and intimacy that you want in life. Essentially, you have it all together on the outside, but you’re just not as happy as you think you should be. You know something is off, and you’re right.
Now it’s time to dig deeper, because over-functioning is impacting not only your sex life, but also your health and everything in between.
So, how exactly is being a Superwoman impacting your sex life?
Generally speaking, you’re disconnected from your desires, which are the things that bring you joy, make you happy and make you feel good. But they’re buried so far under years of conditioning about being a “good” girl, of taking care of others and people-pleasing, you might not even feel like you even have any.
Does this sound like you?
You may not know what desiring even feels like. For example, when asked where you want to go for dinner, what to watch on TV, or what you want in the bedroom, your body shuts down.
Maybe you desire that cheeseburger, but you’ve been told your whole life that you should want the salad. Or maybe you desire a nap, but you’ve been told you need to desire that high intensity workout.
Our lives revolve around restrictions. But what if they revolved around desires? Because your desires are there, and I promise that when you learn to get in touch with them, your whole life is going to change - in and out of the bedroom.
If you’re reading this, there’s a high likelihood that you’re overwhelmed. And you’re not alone. Like all Superwomen, you’re working yourself overtime, you’re constantly over-scheduled and you’re overcommitting. You’re so focused on the outward and your perfectionism that you aren’t truly present in the moment.
You’re understandably tired. And how can you expect your tired brain and body to be in the mood? You can’t.
Superwoman conditioning has us thinking that we have to keep everyone happy at all times so they continue to like us and continue to give us the outward validation that we are worthy of something. But that validation should already be a part of us. Why are we outsourcing that validation to other people?
When it comes to the bedroom, if you’re approaching sex as something you have to “do right” (which comes along with people pleasing and perfectionism), then you’re already doing it wrong.
Overthinking can show up as feeling insecure, ruminating thoughts, worrying, etc. As Superwomen, we’re planners that are always one step ahead of everyone and everything at all times. This unfortunately causes an inability to be present and in the moment. And then when we expect this trait to magically turn off in the bedroom, it doesn’t happen.
The way you do one thing is the way you do everything. And this means your over-thinking is stopping you from being able to be present.
If you’re always focused on everyone else, that's not going to change in the bedroom.
In the bedroom, that may look like worrying about what you look like in a certain position, how you smell, if you’re doing something right, whether or not they’re liking it, how much fun they’re having, etc.
None of that is inward focus and none of that is focusing on your experience of your own pleasure. It’s not a surprise you don’t want to keep having sex like that… that sounds exhausting.
Superwoman can fall into a pattern of hyper independence. For example, how many times have you said or thought “Just let me do that” or “I can do it better anyway”?
We are protecting ourselves so that no one can let us down. Your partner can’t disappoint you when you come home and the tasks you asked him to do aren’t complete if you just do them yourself, right? But now you’re over-functioning and the people around you settle into under-functioning, creating an uneven playing field.
In these scenarios, you become this pseudo-caregiver which will ultimately result in resentment and annoyance. Who is having sex when they feel like that? No one.
First and foremost, you’re not to blame for this. In fact, Superwoman conditioning has been so normalized over generations that we don’t even realize there’s anything wrong with it. We don’t realize the damage living this way is doing to our brains, our bodies, and our relationships.
But what if we learned to stop looking outward for our worth and learned instead how to trust our divine inner knowing and our strength within? What if we understood that we deserve love and rest and whatever the hell we want? When we can start receiving that, everything shifts. That’s when relationships connect, when sex feels worth it, and when we start taking care of ourselves because we deserve to feel good and be healthy.
How Over-Functioning is Impacting Your Health
Being a superwoman, putting everyone else first and never taking care of yourself is only leading in one direction when it comes to your health. I call it Feminine Burnout, which can show up like:
Chronic Stress is literally shutting down your body and impacting your brain. So again I ask, who wants to have sex when they feel like that?
You are fighting an uphill battle against your brain, your body, and your hormones until you learn to restructure the way you think and make pleasure a priority.
I go into these details more in-depth in my latest podcast episode, Superwoman Sex Part 2, which I highly recommend listening to if you’re an over-functioning Superwoman.
CLICK HERE to receive Part 3 of the exclusive Superwoman Sex series in your inbox. This recording is for those who sign up only.
If you’re noticing any of the physical symptoms of Feminine Burnout mentioned above and live in Ontario, check out my medical practice Health Overall where we are changing the way women get healthy, active and well over all.
If you’re reading this article and noticed that it sounds like you, episode 61 of my podcast is a must listen. Tune in on Apple & Spotify.