If you’re reading this article, there’s a good chance you’re a successful, over-functioning Superwoman with symptoms of Feminine Burnout.
This may include being unable to ask for help, never having time for yourself, or instances where you have difficulty being nice to people. But today I want to talk about another major symptom of Feminine Burnout – self-sacrifice and not knowing what you want.
It’s important to talk about these characteristics of the women I work with because these experiences have become so normalized that women aren’t even seeking help.
By normalizing these experiences for women, we are resigning ourselves to lives where we feel isolated, depressed, exhausted, resentful, with no libido, disconnected from our long term partners, scheduled within an inch of our lives, and picking up everyone else’s slack. But I want more for myself, for you, and for our future generations.
Let me tell you about my client Dawn.
Dawn is a woman in her mid 40’s with two young children and a step-son. Both her and her husband are successful at work and they have the means and freedom to do what they want, when they want. Their children are out of the house and they have the money to do the things they want, but they never do.
That’s because Dawn has no idea what she wants.
One thing that Dawn always says about her relationship is that her and her husband are “a great team”. If you’ve worked with me or have been following me long enough, you know how much I hate this phrase. This article is about learning how to know what you want and recognize your desires. So, let me ask you a question.
Do you dream of a partner who’s your “teammate”?
Or do you dream of a partner that makes you feel passionate, turned on, and fulfilled in and out of the bedroom?
Of course you want your partner to share responsibilities, but if they’re just a “good teammate”, something is missing.
Dawn’s husband is helpful and a good father. She knows she should feel grateful for the life they’ve built and the family they’ve raised. But she also finds herself unable to ignore the overwhelming feeling that something is missing. She just doesn’t know what that is.
She often finds herself questioning if she regrets her life because she feels numb and the things that used to bring her joy aren’t making her happy anymore. Like most Superwomen, she’s been going through life doing what she’s been taught she’s “supposed” to do. She’s been a good wife, mother, and employee because that’s what the generations before her told her she needed to be.
For Dawn, this also meant staying quiet when she wanted to speak up and burying down her emotions so she doesn’t inconvenience or annoy anyone with her feelings. Dawn’s desires are buried so deep that she has lost touch with them all together.
In fact, she feels repulsed by her wants, like she’s not worthy of asking her husband to spend time with her, or like she doesn’t want to annoy her sons about showing up for holidays. So instead, she tries to keep them all happy and often ends up feeling like she just pissed everyone off anyways. There’s truly no winning in this scenario.
In the bedroom, Dawn admits sex is “okay” and they have it about once a week because she believes that’s what she needs to do to be a good wife. But admittedly, it’s not enjoyable and probably never was.
After a particularly stressful period of self-sacrificing for everyone around her, Dawn heard me on the news and quickly reached out. Initially, she believed something was wrong with her hormones but after hearing her story I realized it’s likely much larger than that. She was suffering the emotional and physical symptoms of Feminine Burnout.
When you’re disconnected from your desires like Dawn, it impacts you in three ways:
This can show up in symptoms like weight gain or difficulty with weight loss, difficulty sleeping, night sweats, frequent afternoon energy crashing, hair loss, irregular periods, and changes in your libido. If you’re experiencing any of these symptoms, I recommend listening to my podcast episode all about the physical symptoms of Feminine Burnout you shouldn’t ignore.
Women experiencing Feminine Burnout will likely notice mental health symptoms like depression, anxiety, or anhedonia.
Lastly, Feminine Burnout causes you to feel unfulfilled, disconnected, and alone. But if there’s anything you take away from reading this story, I want it to be that you are not alone.
Since working together, Dawn has learned to tune in to what makes her happy and has the confidence to experience that joy for herself, even when others don’t like it. Not only does she know what she wants, but she knows how to ask for it.
I’ve watched dawn bloom into a woman who is excited about her desires and can communicate them in a way that makes others excited to help her have what she wants. She has energy, she moves differently, she loves differently, she asks differently, and she has sex differently.
This didn’t happen overnight. To fix this problem, we had to focus on both her health and her mindset so she joined the Feminine Burnout Recovery program. Here’s the recipe that worked for Dawn to heal from Feminine Burnout:
Losing connection to our desires is another common trait of women with Feminine Burnout. This has a lot to do with our history and how we have been taught how to exist because we are more concerned with making sure everyone else is happy before we even ask ourselves if we’re ok too.
Years of this is going to wear you down. And if you’re reading this then it probably already has. I don’t care how selfless you are or how much joy you get from helping others. You still need to take care of YOU. Because if you don’t, you’re eventually going to feel like Dawn did.
Lost, disconnected, and floating through life with no purpose. I don’t want that for you.
If you’re like Dawn, you know something is missing and you want more. You want better health, more wealth, better sex, and more connected relationships. If you’re ready, I can help you like I have helped thousands of women globally. Check out the Feminine Burnout Recovery program to see if it’s right for you.
I also recommend listening to episode 66 of The Pleasure Principles podcast where I talk more in depth about Dawn’s story and her journey to healing.