When we think of sex drive in heterosexual relationships, we’ve been taught through messaging that men are meant to be the aggressors, and that women are meant to be the shy ones. This messaging we’ve experienced does a major disservice when you (the woman) have the higher sex drive in the relationship. In fact, this isn’t an uncommon situation - 1 in 5 to 1 in 4 straight couples report women having the higher sex drive. If you’re the one with the higher sex drive, you’re likely facing a few issues.
Stigma - There’s a stigma when it comes to women having the higher sex drive, because it isn’t what we’ve been taught. The men are supposed to be the pursuers, and the women the pursued. When you’re the women with the higher sex drive, you may feel guilt or shame for that.
Rejection - When you’re dealing with a rejection from a man who’s “supposed” to want you all the time, the hurt and embarrassment can be overwhelming, especially when it’s coming from your husband/partner.
Self-Doubt - You may feel as though there’s something wrong with you for your partner not reacting positively to your sexual advances. Oftentimes women will doubt their sex appeal and attractiveness and even begin to think there’s another woman.
Mismatched Libidos - When there are mismatched libidos in a relationship, someone always ends up being disappointed and someone feels bad for saying no. It’s a double edged sword in a sense.
There are many reasons why you may have higher sex drive than your partner.
Stress - For most people, stress causes our arousal and desire pathways to shut down, but for a small percentage of people stress can have no effect or even increase your desire. Your partner may also not handle stress well at all, leading to an energetic imbalance between the two of you.
Your Partner May Not Be Neurotypical - Your partner may have ADHD, is on the Autism spectrum, or may have mental health issues, because of this, you both would approach sex differently. Lower sex drive can be connected to these neurological differences.
Hormones are Cyclical - Many women have increased sex drives at certain times of the month (during ovulation or while menstruating), and even when pregnant. This would lead to an imbalance between you and your partner.
Medical - Your partner could be suffering from some form of erectile dysfunction or low testosterone. Certain medications can even cause your libido to slow down.
Shame & Guilt - Like we said, men have been taught to be the aggressors, so it’s possible that if they aren’t, they feel emasculated and don’t have any desire to have sex.
There are two ways you can work with me to fill the void you’ve been feeling and achieve the intimacy and connection you’ve been craving.
1:1 Private Coaching with Dr. J
At the time I am writing this, applications are open for private coaching – Private and exclusive pleasure and intimacy coaching for successful women looking for intimacy, better sex, and more connected relationships. Click here to learn more and apply to work with me.
Enroll in the Pleasure Principles™
Pleasure Principles™ is the foundational program created by Dr. Jordin Wiggins to enhance, reignite, and communicate your desires, while bringing the vitality back to you and your relationships. Click here to learn more and enroll in the program.