What Is The Mother Wound?
The mother wound is the pain or trauma inherited from your mother and the type of feminine support (or lack thereof) that was given to you. It derives from our society’s conditioning, where with each generation, more freedoms and opportunities have been given and our mothers don’t have the tools or skills to help in the transition. This leads to a lack of support or encouragement from our mothers, leaving us to believe that we aren’t able to trust other women and often find ourselves harbouring resentment for other women who are succeeding.
Growing up, your mother may have always put you down, or never cheered you on. You may have been reluctant to share good or happy news because you feared they wouldn’t be happy for you. You may have even felt in competition with your mother, that nothing you did was ever good enough. This mother wound leaves us weary to make new female friendships as adults, because we’re expected to be put down or not supported. This is not the case and there’s a way to change that.
Because of this learned and inherited behaviour, we often find ourselves seeking out relationships with women that are the opposite of what we grew up with. We seek out friendships with women who are our cheerleaders, who give us unconditional support. By doing this, we’re re-teaching ourselves what it means to have a healthy relationship with a woman - what it means to be supported by the feminine.
Having that feminine support is essential, and something that you can’t put a value on. Not only can you show up as yourself in a healthy, supportive friendship, but you’re able to take feedback because you know they’re not coming from a wounded place. Their support and honesty is coming from a place where they want to see you succeed and thrive.
I’ll Have What She’s Having
While we may desire and need this feminine support, because of the inherited pain from the mother wound, we may find it difficult to actually get past the trauma that hinders us from making these healthy connections. That’s why the shift in mindset from being jealous and competitive of other women to “I’ll have what she’s having” is so important.
The “I’ll have what she’s having” mindset refers to when you see a woman succeeding, and acknowledging that you can achieve that success too, rather than being envious or judging of that woman. Often when our mother wound is still healing, we think that if someone else is succeeding then there’s less for us, but that’s not the case.
We discuss the “I’ll have what she’s having” mindset in The Pleasure Principles course, and so many women we’ve worked with have seen great success just by adjusting their mindset. Of course, it’s not easy. It’s an inside job that starts with you. When you start to embrace who you are and step into your own authenticity, you’ll start to allow women to step into theirs without judgement or jealousy.
Sometimes even after healing, you may find yourself going back to feelings of jealousy. You have to remember to keep picking yourself back up and reminding yourself that you can have what she’s having.
Surrounding yourself with other women who can give and receive support without judgement is so important so developing healthy relationships with women. The Pleasure Principles provides a space for women to find community and sisterhood as they heal their wounds and improve their pleasure. You can find out more here.