We’ve always heard the phrase “opposites attract” when it comes to finding a partner, and in the beginning it's usually true. We start off by being attracted to those who reflect the opposite of who we are naturally. Someone who’s soft spoken or shy will often be attracted to someone who’s more outgoing or loud. A passive, go-with-the-flow type, will frequently end up with a type-A, planner. Now this is a successful combination for a time, but we eventually hit a breaking point when we take on the role of planner, organizer, doer, manager, corrector and everything in between. What was once a fun contrast of personalities now breeds resentment, especially when one person is doing more (and getting less) in the relationship.
Take the “opposites attract” scenario in relationships where a high-powered woman is with a more relaxed man - we see it in movies, I work with many couples in this scenario. In cases like these the woman is constantly self-sacrificing and over-giving (killing it at work, running things at home and everything in between) while the man carries on living his care-free life. This is when the resentment starts to unfold for both partners, oftentimes followed by the couple bickering with each other, followed by bad sex, and sometimes cheating. The relationship splits into one person feeling inadequate, and the other feeling like they’re too much. This is what happens when “opposites” don’t find their balance.
As women, we are often taught that we need to do more - we need to work harder, study more, achieve higher - to “earn” our respect and our love. But that leaves you feeling burnt out, exhausted, resentful, anxious, and under appreciated.
But what if I told you that the things that make you successful at work (the doing, the grinding, the pushing), aren’t the things that are going to make you successful in your relationship?
You need to learn how to receive instead of just give. You need to learn how to be instead of just do.
Forget opposites attract, you need balance.
Doing For Others
At some point in our lives, we thought that love meant doing for others. Giving up ourselves to make others happy. We believe that self-sacrificing and doing acts of service for our partners equates to love, and that when we aren’t doing these things, the love won’t be there. Often, our mothers and our grandmothers modeled this behaviour for us - they gave up their lives, their careers, their dreams - to be a “good woman”.
How Can This Be Resolved?
Generally, when the relationship is built around the “opposites attract” archetype, you don’t see a resolution unless you both learn to lean into your balance. You start to distrust that your partner will change because that’s the way they’ve always been. You get trapped in a cycle of the same arguments, the same fights, and you aren’t able to stop and reflect to change the way we approach the situation. You read more self-help books, you listen to more podcasts, you try to do more. You might find couples counselling is helping you to communicate better, but it’s not fixing the fundamental imbalance in your relationship.
In order to stop the negative, repetitive cycle and achieve the life we want with a balanced relationship, change needs to happen on both sides - and you need to start with you.
You need to start finding balance in your feminine energy - getting more by doing less.
Yes, it’s possible.
The Next Steps
Maybe at first, but with the right community, accountability, and coaching you can watch as your relationship rights itself while you focus on you.
The Feminine Mentorship
Ending self-sacrifice and starting to accept help from others is easier said than done, and if we were able fix these issues ourselves, we would already be doing so. The accountability and support that comes from professional help allows us to be taught, coached and supported in ways that help our relationships to grow and become what we really want and crave. True partnership takes investment, personal growth and commitment, enter: The Feminine Mentorship.
The Feminine Mentorship is a year long program designed and offered by Dr. Jordin Wiggins for those who are serious about becoming the Feminine Force they are meant to be. Learn more about The Feminine Mentorship here.