For this special edition of The Pleasure Principles Podcast, you hear directly from someone in our sisterhood. Cressyn will be sharing her story. I know this amazing story of transformation will inspire other women who might be struggling with some of the same issues or trying to decide whether my 12-week Pleasure Principles program is for them.
Cressyn is a 40-year-old mother of two from Kansas who went from “I’m going to do the program” to “I want to do it, but I spoke to my husband, and now I’m going to see a pelvic floor therapist”, to “Hell yes, I'm in. I'm paying in full.”
And now she’s sharing tales of intimacy in the walk-in closet. I’m both proud and humbled to share some of the highlights from her story:
“I was on the bootcamp and really loved it. I felt a freedom to share and to ask questions, and to not be ashamed of anything. I've had a lot of blocks that began in childhood, like childhood teachings that started unspoken shame, a guilt that was just over here. And I'm outgoing! I can be very commanding – I'm a manager by career. But when it came to my bedroom, sex life, it was like I couldn't speak. I didn't know how to portray my feelings to my husband, even though we've been together for almost 20 years, and have two children, ages eight and five. But when it came to me personally speaking out and communicating what I wanted, I couldn't do it. I didn't know the desires that I had. I didn't know what they were.”
Some of her wins and breakthroughs:
✨ Escaping the ‘good girl’ conditioning
‘I'm a good girl at heart. I follow the rules. I don't like to go against the culture very much. That's changed. And I thought, I don't want my daughter, a good girl who follows the rules, to ever feel like she should not be living in her pleasure.”
✨ Eliminating the financial block
“Not even for me, I'm going to find a way to do this for my daughter, and for my son, and for me and my husband, and my niece and my nephews and whoever is watching me from the sidelines. Because just like if I have to ever put braces on my children, am I going to have $5,000 upfront to give them? No, I'm going to figure it out because it's best for them. They need to see a mom that's happy. They need to see a mom that is spewing joy and glowing with pleasure and not being snappy and not coming at them for doing something.”
✨ Introduce generational pleasure
“I want to have a generational pleasure that spins through my kids, their kids, everyone around me because I feel like there is just too much shame and guilt. There are too many things that are not spoken, not talked about, not taught. And I just didn't want it anymore.”
“I feel like my kids are happier now. My son was having almost full-blown panic attacks in the morning before preschool because he thought when he got to school his teacher wouldn’t be there. And I didn’t know how to help him. So now we do things in his pleasure before school, like sing and dance. I put on whatever songs he wants on the way to school. And when he gets there, he's happy. And we haven't had any problems for the last couple of months. I know what his pleasure is now, and I understand it.
And the same thing with my daughter, when it comes to what is her pleasure, she just wants to relax and chill. Because I now know what my pleasure is – it's a hot bath, it's reading a book, it's taking a moment to be outside in the sun, it's soaking in the fresh air – I'm able to help them find theirs and let them soak in that.”
✨ Putting pleasure first
“My own personal pleasures were things that I always put on the backburner because my kids needed something, or our house needed this, or whatever it was. And another block I had was that I didn’t want my kids to walk in on us, if I heard them scamper out of their room it was like: Oh, I'm done, shut the gate. So, my big win was that I was able to dig down deep, not just sexually, not just in the bedroom, but recognizing and stopping that trend to say: What do I really need for myself? Which I never do.”
✨ Snapping out of it, instead of snapping at everyone
“So, one big win is I really am not as snappy with my kids. And I will say to myself, whoa, you are not in your pleasure at the moment, like take a deep breath. Why are you letting yourself sit here and sink in this anger or this frustration? This is not pleasurable. And I will snap myself out of it.”
“My husband is a coach and will snap at someone on the field and then bring that home. I think he was taking our frustrations out on the kids and on everybody else. Now if he does do something, I say, that is a break, like you're breaking hardcore right now. And he knows what that means and he changes it. We have been able to have amazing sex. I instigate it, which has never happened before. We have been able to talk about different things. We don't have our normal, standard, what I would call boring sex, anymore.”
Joining the Pleasure Principles family
Cressyn found that being part of the Pleasure Principles family gave her the support she needed, not only to open up, but to see and be inspired by everyone else’s transformation.
“You get to meet with your little family every week, but you also have the WhatsApp chat. And it's amazing to see everyone's transformation from where we were and what we were saying in the beginning. Because it was very much like, “I don't know what to do”. “I don't know how this can happen”. “How am I going to find my desires because I don’t know what they are?” “How am I going to have great sex? “How can I open up and talk to my husband and get him to understand?”. Now, oh my gosh, whenever we all share successes, where we all share things that have happened, everyone is cheering everybody on, there is so much support.
We don't ever feel judged, shamed, guilt. The women on our calls are like soul sisters; we can share whatever is burdening us, or whatever successes we've had, or whatever questions, no matter how X-rated, no matter how vulnerable we may feel. It's a group of women that will be there for us, that supports us, that gives us ideas. We're all women and we're all seeking the same thing.
I'm not going to go up to my gymnastic mom friends and be like, “Oh my gosh, my husband and I snuck into the closet Saturday morning while the kids were on their Kindles and had a quickie, and it was amazing.” I would never do that. In the group, we're like, guess what happened? I asked him to do this. And he did this. And it was amazing.”
Advice for other women
“The ripple effect is uncanny. It's not going to just be you. It's going to be your kids, your parents, your significant other, your co-workers, your friends, your family. It's undeniable. When I look back at the things that were holding me back it was my family. It's money. When I look back at those things now, that just three months ago were a big issue, it seems like this was years ago. Like my son having these anxiety attacks for no reason; my husband snapping and him, and us having mundane, obligatory sex once a week.
It’s not like a diet or you know, like, take these pills and you're going to feel amazing and your testosterone is going to be great and your hormones and like all these gimmicks and things that people try and sell other people to make their lives better. That's not this. This is not a quick fix. This is not a short-term solution. This is a life-changing shift that will never go away.”
I know that some of what Cressyn has shared will resonate with you. There’s so much more in this episode that you will want to hear, so do tune in here.
Cressyn’s story is a fantastic example of why I created Pleasure Principles, a 12-week educational program for women. I’d love for you to be part of this, to learn to put pleasure first without guilt. Book a free consult to find out if this program is a fit for you or join the free Pleasure Mindset Bootcamp.