#216 How Power Dynamics Shut Down Women’s Desire and Vitality

Pleasure was never just about sex. It has always been about power.

What is happening inside women’s bodies, inside heterosexual relationships, and inside healthcare systems is not separate from what is happening culturally and globally. These patterns mirror each other. The same dynamics that silence women medically are the ones shutting down desire, libido, vitality, and connection in relationships.

This is not about political parties. It is about power over. And power over shows up everywhere.

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The body is not broken. The environment is unsafe

This work began in women’s health, not in sex or relationships.

I worked with women who were doing everything right. They were eating well, exercising, successful in their careers, and compliant with treatment plans. And yet they were exhausted. They could not sleep. They felt disconnected, flat, or numb, with a persistent sense that something essential was missing from their lives and relationships.

Again and again, these women were dismissed. Their symptoms were minimized. Their pain was normalized. Sexual health concerns were deprioritized. Hormones were delayed, avoided, or framed as dangerous. Antidepressants were prescribed when hormone support was needed. Entire generations of women were taught to tolerate decline rather than question the system.

This is not anecdotal. It is documented and measurable.

Women experience longer wait times, delayed diagnoses, and worse health outcomes. Conditions like endometriosis and PCOS take years to diagnose. Cardiovascular disease remains the leading cause of death in women, despite clear evidence that properly prescribed hormone therapy is protective and preventative.

Women were denied care, and their quality of life suffered as a result.

The system was never built for women’s bodies. It was built around men, and women were treated as flawed versions of them.

The pink canary was never weak

A canary does not die because it is fragile. It dies because the environment is toxic.

Women’s loss of pleasure, libido, and vitality is not the problem. It is the warning signal.

When an environment becomes unsafe, the most sensitive systems shut down first. Desire, arousal, creativity, joy, and reproduction are not required for survival, so the body conserves energy by turning them off.

This is not failure. It is intelligence.

The pink canary exists to tell us that something else is wrong.

Power dynamics do not stop at the clinic door

The same power structures that harm women’s health also show up in relationships.

Women are expected to manage emotional tone, carry unpaid labor, anticipate needs, smooth conflict, and tolerate discomfort. These expectations are framed as maturity, love, and strength, but they are expressions of power dynamics.

When one person consistently gives more than they receive, when autonomy is restricted, and when needs are pathologized, pleasure cannot survive.

Choice is required for pleasure. Choice only exists when there are true yeses and true nos.

Without that, there is no safety.

Tolerance is not intimacy

Women are taught to tolerate rather than choose.

They are taught to endure rather than desire, to manage rather than connect.

Over time, the nervous system learns that love requires self-erasure. That honesty is dangerous. Those needs are excessive. That peace is earned through compliance.

Relationships become extractive. Sex becomes performative. Desire shuts down.

This is not a coincidence. It is conditioning.

Super traits were built for survival

Empathy, loyalty, responsibility, hard work, and resilience are often celebrated as personality traits. In reality, they are survival traits formed inside systems that rely on women overfunctioning.

These traits make women successful, capable, and dependable. They also make them controllable.

Over time, they cost women their health, their joy, and their sexual sovereignty.

The collapse often goes unnoticed because women appear high functioning. Educated. Accomplished. The damage happens quietly in bedrooms, in bodies, and in nervous systems.

Pleasure requires shared power

Pleasure requires autonomy. Autonomy requires shared power or consciously given power.

Any system that restricts autonomy restricts pleasure. This applies to healthcare systems, relationships, families, and social structures.

Care without consent is control.

Love that requires manageability is not intimacy.

Connection cannot exist where obedience is rewarded, and truth is punished.

The body speaks before women leave

Women rarely leave relationships suddenly. Their bodies leave first.

Libido shuts down. Vitality fades. Numbness sets in. Burnout appears. Diagnoses emerge.

The body responds to the environment, not ideology.

This is why more women are opting out. This is why single women report better health, greater satisfaction, and more fulfilling sex lives. This is why heterosexual marriage is no longer the default aspiration.

The cost became too high.

Pleasure was always political. We were simply not supposed to notice.

And once you see it, you cannot unsee it.

If you recognize yourself in this pattern, your body is already giving you information.

The Super Trait Quiz helps you identify how traits like empathy, responsibility, loyalty, and resilience may be operating as survival strategies rather than strengths. This is not about fixing yourself. It is about understanding how your nervous system learned to stay safe, and what it has been costing you.

Awareness is the first step toward restoring choice, autonomy, and pleasure.

And when you are ready to go deeper, the Super Trait Audit  looks at how power dynamics are showing up in your health, relationships, work, and intimacy.

This is a personalized assessment that connects what your body is experiencing with the systems you live in. We look at where you are overfunctioning, where consent has eroded, and where your desires have been conditioned out of you.

This is not about blame or diagnosis. It is about clarity.

Your body has already been speaking. This is an invitation to finally listen.

What to do next

If this resonates, the first step is understanding your Super Traits and how they are shaping your relationships, your body, and your nervous system. Most women know they are over-giving, but they do not understand why their body keeps choosing effort over receiving.

The Super Trait Quiz takes 3 minutes and identifies the exact traits driving your communication, intimacy, and connection patterns.

If you already understand the theory, have done therapy, and still feel like your relationships and life have not caught up, The Super Trait Society is the next step. This work is not about gaining more insight. It is about deconditioning survival patterns and retraining the body to receive without self-abandonment

-Ontario Residents can book a clinical appointment HERE.

If you are ready for personalized support and do not want to keep analyzing this on your own, APPLY HERE for private coaching.

1:1 Intimacy & Pleasure Coaching with Dr. Jordin Wiggins

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