Have you ever listened to your girlfriends talking about something that makes you uncomfortable, or is even a little triggering? This can be what stands between you and the sex connection and intimacy that you’ve been craving.
On this episode of The Pleasure Principles podcast, I’ll be talking about the topic of self-pleasure.
If this brings up any shame spirals, or feelings like you want to escape, hang in there with me until the end because I’m hoping to change your mind.
One of my Pleasure Principles clients had a thriving business and personal life, but (in her words), her marriage and sex life could use a lot of work. On a recent group call, she shared that reading about self-pleasure in my book, The Pink Canary, inspired her to masturbate for the first time in years. That is what we, in The Pleasure Collective community, call bragworthy, so I wanted to share this with you.
Let me hit you with some facts:
67 to 94% of men, and
43 to 85% of women report masturbating in their lifetime.
So, if the majority of our population is doing it, how come masturbation is a taboo topic for professionals, for patients, for our sex ed teachers? Why is this a secret married people keep from each other?
In honour of National Masturbation Day (yes, today, May 28th is officially that day), let’s break down some barriers. Let’s talk about masturbation, normalize it, and celebrate it as a part of a healthy sex life.
What words do you think of when you hear the word masturbation?
Something that I commonly hear from the women that I work with are “cheating”, “gross”, “harmful” - and many women share their stories about getting caught and shamed.
In the Pleasure Principles community, we like to use the term self-pleasure instead of masturbation because of the social stigma associated with the word masturbation. Renaming it gives us the power to reclaim it, and learn about it in a new and empowering way.
Let's talk about the three reasons why you should reconsider self-pleasure (and I go into more detail in the podcast)
1. Self-esteem and body image
Find out how being comfortable with your body and your vulva, exploring what you like and don't like is the first step of sexual exploration and a great way to improve your self-esteem and body image.
2. Health benefits
Discover the scientifically proven benefits of self-pleasure, from relaxation and better sleep to improved mood and immune function.
3. Relationship satisfaction
Did you know that people who self-pleasure have more satisfying sex lives and more connection in their relationships than those who do not?
Let's think about this, how are we supposed to know what we like, and then be able to communicate it to a partner, when we haven't figured it out for ourselves?
If you go silent when it comes to communicating your sexual wants and needs, keep thinking about how you look or worrying about whether your partner likes what you’re doing, you need to listen to this episode.
You’ll discover how self-pleasure increases your libido. And why mutual masturbation could be a way to dip your toes back into intimacy, or help you get that spark back.
I hope you go home and celebrate National Masturbation Day with a little self-pleasure.
More importantly, regardless of how this episode made you feel, you are not alone. One in two women suffer from sexual dysfunction in their lifetimes. By having vulnerable conversations like this, we can start to reverse these overwhelming statistics.
You deserve love, connection, and better sex than you ever imagined.