The one thing all men want in the bedroom (and the 5 reasons you’re not able to give it to them)

By popular demand (yes, please keep those podcast episode ideas coming! I love hearing what you think), I’m dedicating the next two episodes of 💫The Pleasure Principles Podcast💫 to answer the question: “What do men and women want in the bedroom?” In this episode (part one of the series), I reveal: What every man wants in the bedroom (and the 5 reasons you’re not able to give it to them. This is not about pleasing your man. It’s about pleasing yourself. 

For those of you who are new to my show, it’s my mission to reverse the statistic of one in two women suffering from sexual dysfunction in their lifetime. Sexual Dysfunction is not wanting to have sex, having a hard time getting aroused or staying aroused, experiencing pain with sex, as well as difficulty reaching orgasm or not being able to orgasm at all. This affects one in two women globally. 

Some of the most common phrases I hear working with women that experience sexual dysfunction and lack of pleasure is: 

“I feel bad for my partner”. 
“My husband is so great. He doesn't deserve a wife who wants nothing to do with him.”

Yet, there are so many ways that we avoid intimacy, like:

• Creating to-do lists in your head
• Finding excuses to avoid intimacy (we all know the classic headache, but bloating or constipation is a sure-fire mood killer)
• Thinking about scrolling Instagram (the wrong kind of multi-task if you actually do this!) or the laundry or work you’d rather be doing.

So, what do men want? 

Here’s a secret: Men want to be with a turned-on woman. 

We have the saying in my group, the Pleasure Mindset bootcamp. “No one says no to a turned-on woman.” 

One of my clients who completed the program noticed that her husband suddenly wanted to be around her. Not just sexually (which also improved). But he wanted to sit on the couch with her, hang out with her, watch her shows and do things that made her happy because he started to recognize and appreciate the pleasure and joy that it brought her. She wasn't caught up in the doing, the fixing, the nagging. Instead, they were able to flip their dynamic to be a couple who could appreciate each other, to become the people they fell in love with. They were able to share intimacy together because (for the first time ever) she was putting her pleasure first. She was turned-on again.

If you’re in any way intrigued by this story, you need to listen to this episode. You’ll learn that men want you to find your pleasure. And your pleasure is the secret to connecting with your partner in the bedroom.

You’ll find out the top five reasons why you are not connecting with your partner in the bedroom. These are the things that are blocking your turn on and stopping you from being the alive, sensual, happy, joyful woman I know is in there. 

1. You’re approaching sex like an item on your to-do list (obligatory sex is not exactly where the greatest sex happens). 
   
   Find out why it doesn’t feel good for us if we’re stuck in the wrong part of our brain. 
   
   
2. You’re overwhelmed and stressed out
   
   Discover how being stressed out and not present turns off the pleasure centers in our brains. (Hot tip: I have an entire chapter on stress and sex in my book, The Pink Canary, so you’re going to want to read this for more information). 
   
   
3. You’re chasing the goal or outcome
   
   Why constantly trying to get to the result (or get it over with) is putting you in the opposite state of turned-on – and how focusing on enjoying the experience and how pleasure feels in every cell of your body puts you back in the right state.
   
   
4. You feel guilt and shame
   
   Feeling uncomfortable after sex, generally avoiding it or not being able to orgasm are signs that you need to unpack some of the guilt and shame you were taught around sex. And why this can help you move into your turn-on. 
   
   
5. You don’t know how to receive pleasure 
   
   Do you take great care of everyone and everything in your life, but don't know how to be taken care of? Learn why not being able to receive pleasure could be preventing you from reaching maximum turn-on.

We're going to go deep together. We're going to unlearn all of the damaging habits, the negative storylines and conditioning that affects our self-esteem and relationships. 

The solution is learning how to prioritize pleasure, to be taken care of, to fully enjoy sensation and be in the moment to feel joy and share that joy with your partner. 

This is is why I will be doing a 12-month mentorship program, for a small group fo women who are serious about fixing the problem and know there's more to life than the mediocre sex they’ve been having. 

If you're interested in more information in the 12 month mentorship, book a free consult with me. I cannot wait to chat, hear your story, and really fix these underlying issues so you can be the turned-on woman that you know is in there. 

Stay tuned for part 2 of the series: What women want in the bedroom, coming next week.

Listen to episode # 5 on Apple. Or on Spotify. And if you like what you hear, do us a favour and leave a rating or review.