The 5 Biggest Barriers to Asking

Sep 03, 2021

On the latest episode of The Pleasure Principles Podcast, I talked about why we find it so difficult to communicate and to ask for something. We’ve been conditioned not to ask

We either:

  • Try to do it all ourselves
  • Try not to want anything at all, or
  • Don’t feel like we deserve anything.

But, to have happiness, health, power (in the bedroom or boardroom), we need to be able to ask for things. We need to be able to ask for help. We need to ask for the things that light us up, that make us feel like a goddess. Seen. 

This is an area that so many women struggle with. Peek into The 5 Biggest Barriers to Asking:

  1. Viewing asking as a transaction

If you receive something, do you feel like you have to pay the person back, like you owe them? In your relationship, are you keeping tally on a mental scoreboard? Imagine a different mindset where giving is gaining – and both parties feel good. 

  1. Not being able to tolerate a ‘no’

This is a stress response; you avoid asking because you don’t want to be told ‘no’, or you’d rather just do it yourself than deal with the conversation or potential fight. You need help to be able to become more resilient, to tolerate that ‘no’. Discover the most common signs that your adrenals aren’t working well, where you’re exhausted, but anxious, and have difficulty sleeping. 

  1. Lacking boundaries

If you don’t have good boundaries, you’re less likely to feel comfortable asking someone else. You’ll feel like you’re imposing. This doesn’t help you get what you want!

  1. Not knowing what you want

Maybe you convince yourself that your marriage is good enough. So why ask for more? Or maybe you think your partner should just know what you want – you shouldn’t have to ask (and get resentful when you don’t get what you want) Maybe you don’t feel worthy of having the things you want, so you disguise it by working harder. But if you know how to ask and how to get others to work with you, doors will open. 

  1. Not seeing negotiations as opportunity 

‘No’ isn't the end of the discussion. It’s not the endpoint. It’s actually the beginning. Learn how to take a ‘no’ and move it in the direction you want – or perhaps even in a direction that neither of you saw to begin with. Look at asking and getting a ‘no’ as an opportunity for growth. 

In this episode, I share some quick tips on how to ask for what you want. For more on “The 5 Biggest Barriers to Asking”, listen to episode # 17 on Apple. Or on Spotify

If learning how to ask for what you want resonates with you, and you want to take it to the next level, book a free call and let’s talk about what working with me and my team would look like. 

I’d love to help you release your blocks as you welcome pleasure back into your life and your relationships. 


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