Sexting 101: The 5Ws of Sexting

Jan 14, 2020

Sexting is a great way to build desire and cultivate intimacy with your partner.

And these are my rules for sexting... 

Sexting is appropriate when it is:

  1. Consensual

Sexting is NOT appropriate when:

  1. It is not consensual.

That’s it. Those are the rules.

Oh, and don’t share sexts you’ve received from someone without their consent either.


If you’ve never tried it before, sexting can be a great way to add some novelty and excitement to your sex life. Your brain gets bored doing the same thing over and over again (could you watch the same movie every single day for the next 3 months? No thanks), and sex is the same. It is the same reason we love to have a lot of sex in a new relationship…because it is new and exciting and fun. So bring some of that back into your relationship and introduce a little sexting into the equation.

If you are an experienced sexter you probably know already that it can get tricky to keep things new and think of new phrases and ideas to send your partner. How many ways are there to tell your partner you’re in the mood before you start repeating yourself over and over again?

Most of us aren’t used to or comfortable with being so bold and upfront about our sexual needs and desires.

But there are SO many ways you can communicate your desire for your partner, from simple and riddled with innuendo, to hot and steamy and worthy of being published in a romance novel.

Keep your sexting exciting by keeping your partner on their toes using the 5W cues to express your desire:


Tell your partner why they turn you on.

“I’m so turned on because I can’t stop thinking about how you made me feel last week”

“I can’t even concentrate, I just keep thinking about the way you _____”


Tell your partner exactly what you are going to do to them.

“I can’t wait to kiss your neck”
“I am going to run my fingers through your hair while I…” 


Set a time. Spontaneous sex might look good in the movies, but we know it doesn’t happen like that in real life. Tell your partner exactly when it’s going to happen so that you can both spend the time looking forward to it. Sometimes building the desire before you see each other is just as good as the sex itself!

“I am going to be all over you the second you get home from work”

“I don’t know if I’m going to be able to make it through dinner without feeling your lips on mine” 


Tell your partner exactly where you want to be touched. Sex with direction means you get exactly what you want and your partner doesn’t have to guess or keep on doing something that you don’t love. 

What else?

Don’t be afraid to send an emoji, a GIF. Use words that you are comfortable with, don’t copy and paste something that doesn’t sound or feel like something you would say. You can be flirty and fun or XXX rated, whatever feels right for you.

When it comes to sexting, be specific, be bold and HAVE FUN. 

Happy sexting 😉


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