Girl Talk: A conversation about why it’s hard to let yourself be cared for.

Are you the rock in your family or relationship? The one that does everything for everyone with very little time for yourself? 

On this episode of The Pleasure Principles Podcast, we’ve got GG and Kasey back on the show for some girl talk about why most women find it difficult to let someone else be their rock. How we’re so used to doing it all and being tough, resilient independent superwomen that we find it difficult to ask for or accept help. 

Listen to the podcast on Apple or Spotify to hear vulnerable and honest perspectives from two members of our Pleasure Principles community, and learn why you need to make space for someone else to be the rock:

“I’ve been single almost my entire life, with the exception of a few long-term relationships, and it's exhausting,” GG shared. “It’s really hard to soften now that I have someone in my life who wants to take care of me, not financially, but in ways that I've never allowed in. It feels really good and at the same time, it's hard to accept and to want the help, to ask for it.”

The three of us try to figure out why most women are like this. On the one hand, we’re in a heterocentric white male, patriarchal dominated society. To even that out, we become heavily self-reliant, heavily independent. I share how I was the fixer, the doer, and the money earner in my relationship. But I eroded my first marriage from being ‘Superwoman’, from doing too much and fixing everything. What polarity was left in that relationship?

On the other hand, there are so many absent men. “There are so many single moms, absent men, that as women we have no choice but to step up,” Kasey said. “We play the role of ‘the independent Superwoman’ essentially stepping into the shoes of the man to the detriment of the feminine in us. Or we play the ‘the good wife’ and ‘the good mother’, ‘the little woman’, and be everything to the man, we're the supporting actor.”

Water erodes rock

“My shaman often says, Kasey, when there is a lack of masculine in your life, in your children's life, in the family life,  the woman will be the rock. But, as the feminine, we’re more like water, we move, we flow, we wrap around, we nurture, we take care of, but we do it in a soft and feminine way. Whereas the masculine tends to be more like a rock, rigid, hard, always resilient.”

“But, when you think about it, water is way more resilient than a rock. Water erodes rock!  So, it’s okay to be soft, ask for help. We need to acknowledge that we're a herd species, we're not meant to do it all ourselves. We're meant to live in tribes and help one another.”

So how do you let go of being the rock in your family or with your partner?

1. Let go of control (at least in some areas!)
2. Let your partner or family members do things their way
3. Accept yourself as you are, it’s okay to be a little softer and ask for help when you need 
4. Don’t jump into fixing things or having the answer. Try being vulnerable and getting in touch with your feelings 
5. Find support in your community

“There are many examples of people who came out of oppression through unity, by banding together,” Kasey shared. “We need to bring the things that are beautiful and unique about the feminine experience into power and leadership in this world.”

For more on the power of community, the strength that comes from letting go and letting yourself be cared for, you can listen to episode # 16 on Apple. Or on Spotify. If you like what you hear, do us a favour and leave a rating or review. 

To end off, here’s a quote that I sent to the ladies in the Feminine Mentorship program, which sums up some of what we spoke about in the podcast.

“I dream of never being called resilient again in my life. I’m exhausted by my strength; I want support, I want softness; I want relief. I want to be amongst kin. Not patted on the back for how well I can take a hit.”

-Zandashe’ L’orelia Brown 

If you need community and support as you practice letting go, join Kasey and GG and other women who know what you’re going through in the Pleasure Principles community.