#211 Women With Super Traits Over Explain, People Please, and Lose Desire

When the Holidays Reveal What Was Never Resolved

Over the Christmas break, I had several private clients reach out, and what I noticed was that the transformations had not been completed. The holidays brought up ruptures, disappointments, and old patterns at a time when most women were already running on fumes.

The holidays come with extra expectations and very little capacity. There is pressure to show up, stay regulated, keep the peace, and make everything feel normal. Many women even get sick once their bodies finally feel safe enough to stop. That is not a coincidence. When the nervous system exits survival mode, the body finally speaks.

We hold an image of the holidays as cozy and connected. In reality, they often unearth everything we have been holding together all year.

LISTEN ON APPLE | LISTEN ON SPOTIFY | LISTEN ON AMAZON MUSIC

Take the FREE SUPER TRAITS QUIZ HERE

Why Women With Super Traits Struggle Most During the Holidays

I found myself repeating the same thing to my clients. Stop over-explaining. Stop people pleasing. Get grounded before you act.

If you are here, chances are you feel disconnected in your relationship. Some of you were disappointed by how the holidays went. Some of you went through separations. Some of you navigated the season alone. The common thread is being a woman with super traits who struggles to feel met, supported, and able to receive.

Super traits are not flaws. Qualities such as empathy, responsibility, attunement, and emotional intelligence. These traits make you capable, reliable, and successful. They also make you the one who carries the emotional weight in relationships.

That is where the problem begins.

The Over Explaining Loop

This is a familiar loop. Still explaining. Still repairing. Still choosing words carefully. Still believing that if you say it the right way, it will finally land.

This does not mean you are doing anything wrong. It means you have super traits.

Women with super traits were never taught discernment. We were taught to fix, soften, reassure, and carry emotional labor. We learned early that connection depended on our ability to manage other people’s emotions. So when something feels off, our instinct is to engage and repair.

Not every accusation deserves a response. Not every misunderstanding needs a conversation. Not every emotional reaction requires correction. When we lose connection to ourselves, we start efforting in ways that do not work.

Over-explaining is not intimacy. It is over-functioning.

What It Costs the Body

Over time, the body notices. Desire shuts down. Health is affected. Intimacy becomes hollow. The traits that brought success elsewhere begin working against us in relationships.

Many women I work with wonder why their desire disappeared first. They are still trying. Still caring. Still showing up. But the body has learned that speaking up does not protect them. Sharing feelings does not lead to safety. Repair always costs them more.

When emotional labor is one-sided, intimacy becomes extractive. The body responds by withdrawing energy. This is not punishment. It is protection.

Discernment Is the Missing Skill

What restores power is not better communication; it is discernment.

Discernment is the ability to pause. To notice when explaining will not create connection. To stop rushing to repair dynamics that cannot hold you. To tolerate the discomfort of not fixing, not clarifying, not rescuing.

This is where clarity returns. When clarity returns, desire has room to breathe again. Energy comes back. Turn on comes back. The body no longer has to shut down to keep you safe.

Moving From Over-Functioning to Receiving

The goal is not silence. The goal is not to withdraw or care less. The goal is to interrupt the pattern of over-giving and over-explaining before it costs you even more.

Women with super traits do not stop asking because they do not want a connection. They stop asking because the cost of asking has become too high. Over time, it feels safer to carry it alone.

Receiving is not passive. It is a skill. It requires discernment, nervous system safety, and trust in your body’s signals.

There is a LIVE Masterclass on February 5 that goes deeper into why women with super traits over-function in relationships and what actually restores clarity, desire, and connection. Sign up for FREE HERE, and let this be the year you stop overgiving and start receiving.

What to do next

If this resonates, the first step is understanding your Super Traits and how they are shaping your relationships, your body, and your nervous system. Most women know they are over-giving, but they do not understand why their body keeps choosing effort over receiving.

The Super Trait Quiz takes 3 minutes and identifies the exact traits driving your communication, intimacy, and connection patterns.

If you already understand the theory, have done therapy, and still feel like your relationships and life have not caught up, The Super Trait Society is the next step. This work is not about gaining more insight. It is about deconditioning survival patterns and retraining the body to receive without self-abandonment.

Decode the emotional and erotic patterns keeping you in over-functioning, shutdown, and inconsistent connection. The Super Trait Audit™ CLICK HERE

If you do not know your Super Traits, take the free Super Trait Quiz HERE.

If you want your world and relationships to respond to the woman you have already become, apply for The Super Trait Society HERE.

 Connect with Dr. Jordin on INSTAGRAM HERE @drjordinwiggins

LISTEN ON APPLE | LISTEN ON SPOTIFY | LISTEN ON AMAZON MUSIC

Take the FREE SUPER TRAITS QUIZ HERE