#209 This is Your Year to Start Receiving Instead of People-Pleasing

Happy New Year. Things always feel different and also the same. As women with super traits, there is always hope. There is always intentionality. There is always a desire for more. That desire matters. It says something about who you are and how deeply you care about your life, your relationships, and your health.

The past two years have been deeply personal and profoundly transformative. What I lived through changed how I understand pleasure and what actually needs to happen for health and happiness. Harassment and stalking reshaped my understanding of what protects the body, pleasure, and desire.

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Take the FREE SUPER TRAITS QUIZ HERE

Super traits are not flaws.

If you have been the glue, the anchor, the fixer, the doer, these are not flaws. They are super traits. They are qualities that make you exceptional, capable, relatable, and successful. They are also the traits that have become survival traits.

Over time, you start giving in to relationships and situations that do not give back. You put the onus on yourself to fix it. Eventually, your body says enough.

Why pleasure collapses under pressure

When I wrote The Pink Canary, I believed pleasure was the missing piece. Pleasure matters. It changes bodies. It restores desire. It brings us back to ourselves. And I watched it work again and again.

Women would soften. Desire would return. Joy would come back. We would laugh again, dance in the kitchen, and want sex again. And then one moment of tension. One disappointed look. One shift in tone. One relational rupture. Everything collapsed.

That collapse is not a failure. It is an adaptation. When stress enters the room, super traits go on steroids. Hypervigilance and over-functioning take over automatically.

Why trying harder never worked.

My solution was to pleasure harder. To work harder. To approach the pleasure problem like a superwoman. What is the problem? How do we fix it? What is in my control? How do I move mountains?

What I understand now is that we do not really have pleasure if the moment stress shows up, everything collapses. Pleasure cannot survive in relationships where you are required to manage the connection.

The problem was never us. The problem was conditioning.

The conditioning that shaped your body

Women with super traits were rewarded from childhood onward for carrying emotional weight, maintaining harmony, and absorbing discomfort so others did not have to. We became the shock absorber.

Our body learned that having a connection meant overgiving, working hard, being loyal, tolerating, fixing, and enduring. Desire and joy go offline when safety and reciprocity disappear. Not because something is wrong, but because the body is smart.

Meaning came from endurance, not reciprocity.

The receiver identity

This work introduces the receiver identity. A receiver is the opposite of an overfunctioner. She can say no without guilt. She can say yes more, please. She allows disappointment without abandoning herself.

She does not manage the room. She does not preempt reactions. She does not soften her truth or desires to keep the peace. She speaks them.

Her desire does not depend on everything being calm, clean, complete, or emotionally regulated. She stays turned on even when there is stress, conflict, or unfinished items on the to-do list.

Receiving is not passive. Being a true receiver is a regulated authority.

Why do health, wealth, and love suffer

When we give and do not receive, loneliness impacts the body as severely as chronic illness. When the nervous system never rests, health suffers. Relationships suffer. Desire cannot stay online.

We can do all the therapy, books, communication tools, hormone panels, and healing work in the world. But until we transform the super trait identity that believes love must be earned through contribution, nothing actually changes.

Deconditioning before restoration

Transformation begins with deconditioning. Identifying the exact patterns the body learned to stay connected through over-functioning. Removing the reflex to disappear, manage, and collapse when someone is disappointed.

Only then can pleasure be restored. Only then can receiving become possible.

This is not about fixing you or changing who you are. It is about seeing yourself clearly without shame or self-abandonment.

The year of receiving

This is the year the superwoman cape loosens. This is the year of doing less with intention. This is the year of receiving.

If you do not yet know your super traits, take the Super Trait Quiz HERE. It takes three minutes, and most women discover they are carrying more than one.