#205 5 Ways Overfunctioning Kills Your Pleasure (and What to Do Instead)

You know your patterns. You know your attachment style. You understand your window of tolerance. You have built boundaries and stopped abandoning yourself. Yet when life gets hard, or someone is disappointed in you, you still end up doing the emotional labor. You collapse or you over-function. Your relationships have not shifted as much as you have. Your sex life feels flatter than it should. Your aliveness and turn-on feel inconsistent. You have grown on the inside, but the world has not adjusted to meet you.

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Why the Work You’ve Done Still Was Not Enough

Therapy gave understanding. The nervous system helps you regulate. EMDR supported trauma healing. Meditation and communication tools helped. But none of it truly shifted your relational reality. The root issue is not libido or hormones or a mismatch.

Super Traits pull you out of the conditions required for pleasure and connection. Pleasure requires presence, sensation, receiving, and truth. Super Traits demand scanning, fixing, anticipating, managing, and performing. You have been rewarded for the exact behaviors that shut pleasure down.

How Super Traits Pull You Out of Pleasure

Super Traits pull you into your head, where your brain becomes the command center. You wonder what needs to get done and whether everyone is okay. You think about groceries, laundry, or how someone will react if you say no. Hypervigilance replaces feeling. You can be touched but not feel it because you are thinking instead of sensing. Pleasure only happens when conditions are perfect, and those moments are rare.

Super Traits also turn you into the emotional container. You hold irritability, withdrawal, stress, disappointment, the tone of the household or the boardroom, and the emotional climate of the kids and the staff. You regulate everyone else first, and no one regulates you. A body managing everyone else cannot receive pleasure.

Super Traits reward performance instead of presence. You learned to be the strong one, the fixer, the problem solver, the one who holds everything together. You learned that your messy feelings made you unlovable. You perform the connection rather than feel it. You kiss or have sex or give affection, but your body is not participating. People interact with your mask, not your heart. That is why you feel lonely.

Super Traits also teach you to choose harmony over truth. You stay silent when your feelings are dismissed. You shrink instead of saying you do not like something. You avoid conflict because conflict means rupture or abandonment. Suppressed truth kills desire. When your voice disappears, your pleasure disappears with it.

Super Traits make receiving uncomfortable. You were wired to give. You feel useful when you give. You were rewarded for giving. So receiving feels awkward, unsafe, or undeserved. When someone offers help, you instantly say you have it handled. Pleasure never lands because you do not let it reach you.

When Super Traits Run the Show,

Pleasure Becomes Suppressed

These patterns create a pleasure-suppressed life. Feeling flat or numb. Feeling pleasure only when everything is perfect. Freezing or fawning when things are hard. Over-functioning under stress. Craving more but not knowing what you want. Carrying the emotional load and trying to fix the connection instead of influencing it. You have changed, but the people and relationships around you still respond to the older version of you.

Pleasure Is Intelligence and Super Traits. Silence It

Pleasure tells you what is true. Pleasure shows you what direction your life wants to go. Pleasure tells you when you are abandoning yourself and when someone is not meeting you. Pleasure shows you what your body wants and when a boundary is needed. Super Traits drown out this guidance. You cannot hear your yes or your no or your stop or your more. Insight does not create influence. Presence and pleasure do. Influence in the moment creates real-world change.

What You Actually Need Instead of More Tools

You do not need more communication scripts or another retreat. You need the skill to be felt. You need the ability to use presence, turn on, and truth in conflict, in intimacy, in leadership, in dating, and in love. You need a relationship blueprint that takes you from high achiever to receiver so love and support and connection come to you because you exist, not because you earned them.

When You Lead With Pleasure, Everything Shifts

If you want your world to respond to the woman you have already become, pleasure is the path. The Super Trait Society is where pleasure leads instead of your Super Traits. It is where your presence begins to influence others instead of your effort. It is where your relationships finally shift to meet you.

If you want to understand the traits that shaped every connection in your life, take the Super Trait Quiz. It will change how you know your patterns, your pleasure, and the relationships you are craving.