#198 You’re Not Codependent You’re Surviving Coercive Control

The truth about what’s really draining high-achieving women

 Most women try to fix their relationships or fix themselves. My work isn’t about fixing or forcing intimacy. It’s about rewiring what made you believe depletion was love in the first place. High-achieving women with super traits have been called codependent, people pleasers, and overfunctioners when the truth is we were simply never met. We are not meant to see extractive love.

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The smartest, most successful women I know are often in the most imbalanced dynamics because we superwoman so hard. We take responsibility for everyone’s comfort, we anticipate needs, and we call it love when it is actually survival.

Why therapy hasn’t helped

Therapy hasn’t helped because the problem isn’t communication or attachment style. It is the extraction economy of love. Marriage benefits him more than it benefits you. Research shows that men who are married live longer, are healthier, and happier, while women’s health, happiness, and life expectancy decline.

The system rewards our strengths while also exploiting them at the same time. We trade our rest, our peace, and our pleasure for the illusion of stability, and the cost is our health, our joy, and our turn-on.

The hidden cost of super traits

Exhaustion, burnout, resentment, and loss of desire are not personal flaws. They are symptoms of systems that take from women who are loyal, responsible, tolerant, hardworking, and empathetic. These super traits make us incredible leaders and caretakers, but also make us highly compatible with imbalanced relationships.

When endurance becomes extraction, love turns harmful. We start explaining away bad behavior and ignoring our needs. High empathy without discernment becomes self-abandonment. High loyalty without reciprocity becomes a cage. High responsibility without boundaries becomes servitude.

Why trying harder isn’t the answer.

You do not need to try harder or communicate better. You do not need to fix yourself or your relationship. You need a new relationship map rooted in desire, safety, and power. The Pleasure-Centered Method teaches women to rewire their nervous systems and build relationships that feel nourishing once again. This work helps you find safety in your body and clarity in your boundaries so you can receive love instead of performing it.

Codependency is not the problem.

If you have ever been called anxious, avoidant, or codependent, know that these are survival mechanisms, not flaws. You are responding to systems that reward your giving and punish your needs. There is nothing wrong with you. The language of psychology has often blamed women for the way we adapt to extractive systems. It’s time to see that your behavior has been a brilliant form of survival, not a failure.

Reclaiming your power and pleasure

Learn to name your super traits and see the invisible dynamics that have been draining you. Start rewiring your nervous system so love, intimacy, and desire become nourishing again.

Take the Super Trait Quiz to discover which of your amplified strengths has been running the show and learn how to reclaim your power from it.

Once you see your super traits clearly, you stop blaming yourself for the exhaustion and imbalance and begin to rebuild relationships that honor your power, pleasure, and aliveness.

You don’t need to leave to start healing, but you do need a new map. Claim your spot inside the Creating Pleasure-Centred Relationships for Women with Super Traits Group and start building the pleasure-centered relationship you deserve. Join us in the Pleasure Principles™ Group Program with Dr. Jordin Wiggins ND HERE  Let's start rebuilding Safety, Desire & Intimacy. BEGINS OCTOBER 15, 2025 

Take the FREE Super Trait Quiz to discover the hidden traits that keep you stuck in relationship dynamics that drain your desire.

PRIVATE COACHING- Success, intimacy, pleasure,  you don’t have to choose. Learn how to create a deeper connection and better sex without sacrificing who you are or what you’ve built. [APPLY HERE]

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