#197 Why Marriage Benefits Men More Than Women (And Leaves You Exhausted)

Male Centered Love and Relationships

Something so simple but yet so hard for my high-achieving clients to accept is that we were taught male-centered love, male-centered relating, male-centered sex. I wrote an entire book about this for the sex part with the Pink Canary. Heterosexual partnerships, where we as women over-function, over-give, and mistake this transaction for intimacy.

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The Truth About Marriage Benefits

The truth that pissed me off, in fact, so much so that I denied it for months after reading the original research, is that marriage benefits him more than it benefits you, especially if you have super traits. He lives longer, he is healthier, he receives emotional stability, caretaking, somebody to do all of the invisible workload, and you, your life expectancy is shortened.

You slowly find yourself erased in roles of mother and wife because we give and give in hopes of getting something in return. This is a losing proposition. It is called the marriage benefit imbalance, and until we name it and until we see it, we are going to keep normalizing our exhaustion. We normalize that marriages are hard work, but for whom?

Super Traits and Overgiving

I am not saying run and get a divorce. I am not saying marriage is terrible. For my clients, the women who have built their success and lives on our super traits: empathy, loyalty, responsibility, and hard work. These traits earn us accolades, praise, and awards.

On one hand, these super traits make us successful, but in love, in relationships, and in friendships, they can actually be detrimental. They keep us loyal when we should have left, they keep us forgiving when nothing changes, they keep us working harder at a relationship when we should be doing less. Our super traits feed imbalances in relationships and in all areas of our lives.

The Emotional Labor Women Carry

We carry the emotional labor, the second shift, the invisible repair while those around us reap the benefits of health, stability, and overgiving. We do more, they do less. That is why we are exhausted, that is why our bodies shut down, that is why we develop health issues.

It is not because there is something wrong with us. With our super traits and with the marriage benefit imbalance, we are surviving in unequal dynamics. Even if we do not think we are, even if we say my husband is great, it is just me overfunctioning. When we look at it through the pleasure-centered framework, the truth becomes clear. We are so naturally overgiving that we do not realize the imbalance it creates.

The Signs of Imbalance

Do you rewrite texts multiple times or weigh your words so you do not hurt someone?

Are you quick to soothe others' moods while silencing your own feelings?

Do you feel emptier after sex instead of nourished?

Do you minimize your desires and needs so the relationship feels more stable?

Do you do more of the emotional labor? Are you the one initiating the repair?

Do you do the emotional labor for your children or your team?

Do you minimize your own ambitions so those around you do not feel insecure?

Do you compromise, but really you are the one giving in?

Do you feel confused after conversations with your partner when you were clear before?

Do you feel like you can share your truth without being given the silent treatment?

Are your needs met in terms of sex, emotion, finances, and relationships?

If these questions bring things up for you, this is the marriage benefit imbalance at work.

Why You Cannot Hack the System

You might think you have hacked this because you have hired help or taken work off your plate. But you do not hack this one. This is how heterosexual marriages and relationships exist unless you have done work to decenter them and change them. If what I am saying sounds foreign, you have this imbalance. It is not your hormones, it is not that you are asking too much, it is not that you cannot be happy. We have been surviving in a system designed to fail women with super traits.

The Pleasure Centered Method

This is why I created the pleasure-centered method. It is a reeducation in sex and love and feeling and living. It rewires us from survival and overgiving into intimacy and erotic connection. Blaming a woman for not having desire or not feeling pleasure is like blaming a car for not starting when the gas tank is empty. The system was never fueling her. If her relationship is imbalanced, she will always be running on fumes and will likely blame herself.

Rebuilding Intimacy and Power

In the eight-week live group coaching intensive, you will learn where your relationship is cut off, how your super traits impact connection, and how to use the pleasure-centered method to rebuild trust in yourself and your boundaries so that you can be met. We are going to rewire our beliefs and identify signs early so you know what can change and what will never change. You will stop giving chances that never turn into change and start building relationships that are mutual, alive, and sustaining.

Claim Your Spot

You did not sign up for relationships to become invisible, to lose trust in yourself, to lose track of your desires, or to shorten your life expectancy. At the same time, everyone else benefits from your brilliance. The reclamation and your way home is to learn how to center yourself and center pleasure.

You don’t need to leave to start healing, but you do need a new map. Claim your spot inside the Creating Pleasure-Centred Relationships for Women with Super Traits Group and start building the pleasure-centered relationship you deserve. Join us in the Pleasure Principles™ Group Program with Dr. Jordin Wiggins ND HERE  Let's start rebuilding Safety, Desire & Intimacy. BEGINS OCTOBER 15, 2025 

Take the FREE Super Trait Quiz to discover the hidden traits that keep you stuck in relationship dynamics that drain your desire.

PRIVATE COACHING- Success, intimacy, pleasure,  you don’t have to choose. Learn how to create a deeper connection and better sex without sacrificing who you are or what you’ve built. [APPLY HERE]

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