#192 Why Smart Women Get Stuck in Extractive Relationships Instead of Pleasure-Centered Ones
The Truth High-Achieving Women Are Living In
Most high-achieving women don’t even realize they are living in an extractive relationship. You give and give in your relationship, in your career, and at home, and wonder why you feel exhausted, unseen, untouched, and unfulfilled.
You blame your hormones, your libido, your partner’s attachment style, or your parents. You go to therapy, you plan date nights, you try lingerie, and none of it works because the real issue is not communication; it is extraction and power dynamics.
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Why Hormones Aren’t the Whole Story
For years, women have been told the problem is their hormones, their autoimmune condition, or their thyroid. I have tested women who had imbalances on blood work but didn’t feel them at all, and I have tested women who swore hormones were the issue, only to find everything in range.
Hormones are a lag indicator. The deeper truth is that our health and our intimacy are being drained by the way we are living and the relationship dynamics we are in.
How Super Traits Become a Double-Edged Sword
Super traits like loyalty, empathy, forgiveness, and brilliance make you a high performer in your career, but destroy intimacy when they go unchecked. They are rewarded in business, but they erode desire at home. You try harder, give more, forgive more, and still wonder why nothing changes. Instead of being supported, loved, and met, you find yourself depleted and blaming yourself.
What Extractive Love Looks Like
An extractive relationship feels like survival, resentment, and going through the motions. Sex becomes an obligation. You initiate or agree to sex so your partner will not get distant, lash out, or treat you poorly. It feels like a connection, but leaves you empty.
Emotional labor is carried by you alone. You book the therapy, send the articles, plan the date nights, manage your partner’s moods, and hold the emotional temperature of the family. Instead of having a partner, you are the manager, the mother, the CEO of the relationship.
High Desire vs Low Desire Shutdown
Extractive love shows up differently depending on your desire pattern. If you have a high desire, you may feel emotionally starved. Affection is withheld, you only feel close during sex, and you blame yourself for being too needy or wanting too much. If you have low desire, your body may shut down completely.
You feel numb, resentful, and adverse to touch. You go through the motions of sex to keep the peace, but feel nothing, believing you have a libido problem when in truth your body is conserving energy because you are being drained.
The Cost of Survival Love
We learn to survive love instead of receiving it. If we do everything right, we will be rewarded with a connection at the end of the day. The cognitive dissonance of giving everything and still feeling alone keeps us stuck. This survival strategy eventually affects our health. Migraines, autoimmune flare-ups, chronic pain, rashes, and fatigue appear out of nowhere, but the root cause is emotional extraction.
What a Pleasure-Centered Relationship Feels Like
A pleasure-centered relationship feels mutual, alive, and sustaining. Intimacy becomes a nourishing exchange instead of a transaction. Your nervous system relaxes. You stop over-functioning to hold the relationship together. You rebuild trust in your body, your instincts, and your right to be fully loved.
The Pleasure Path
The pleasure path is the reset that helps rebuild your nervous system, unlearn survival strategies, and reclaim your right to be fully met. The steps are simple but life-changing. It starts with repairing your nervous system, unlearning survival scripts, reclaiming your erotic blueprint, and creating communication that is clear and embodied. This is how you move from extractive love to pleasure-centered intimacy.
Your Next Step
You don’t need to leave to start healing, but you do need a new map. Claim your spot inside Relationship 2.0 and begin building the pleasure-centered relationship you deserve.
Grab your live Pleasure Path Assessment and get the answers you've been looking for.
Take the FREE Super Trait QUIZ to discover the hidden traits keeping you stuck in relationship dynamics that drain your desire.
Want to go even deeper?
PRIVATE COACHING- Success, intimacy, pleasure, you don’t have to choose. Learn how to create a deeper connection and better sex without sacrificing who you are or what you’ve built. [APPLY HERE]
Connect with me on Instagram [@drjordinwiggins]
Hi! I'm Jordin, owner and creator of The Pleasure Collective
I believe that high-achieving women deserve deep intimacy, fulfilling relationships, and pleasure in every area of their lives—without sacrificing their success. My work helps women experience more energy, more connection, and feel fully seen, supported, and loved. I’m here to guide you in breaking free from burnout, prioritizing pleasure, and creating lasting fulfillment—emotionally, physically, and relationally.
