#186 Kink Isn’t About Pain It’s About Power and Presence
You Think You Want to Be In Control. You Don’t.
If you've ever been told you're too much or one of the boys. Suppose you've had to explain your needs and your desires over and over. If you feel like surrender is terrifying because you’ve built your life on control, on plans, on leading. This is for you.
We are talking about kink. But not in the way you think. I’m not talking about whips or chains or some performance. I’m talking about kink as a nervous system tool. A doorway into presence. A space where you can stop leading and just be.
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Why Superwomen Can’t Relax
For high-achieving women, we live in the doing. Overfunctioning is our default. Even when we have time to relax, we don’t. We live in our heads, and our bodies are offline. We are praised for our super traits. We are loyal, hardworking, flexible,and agreeable. And those traits make us incredible leaders.
However, they often leave us feeling exhausted in relationships. They leave us sexually disconnected. They leave us feeling like no one meets us. And it’s true. No one does because we don’t let them. Because we’re managing everything. Even the sex.
You’re Topping From the Bottom
Many of my clients believe they’re dominant. But when we start to explore kink, just the concept, not even the practice, they realize they want to be led. They want to be claimed. They want to be held. They want to surrender. But they have no idea how.
They’ve been topping from the bottom. Managing the sex. Directing every moment. Thinking they want to be ravished while also criticizing how he leads, where he takes them to dinner, and how he initiates. And it makes sense. They’ve had to be in control to stay safe.
What Kink Actually Is
In kink, a dominant is not a tyrant. A good dom is attuned, responsible, grounded, present. They lead without ego. They create containers where you can surrender. And a submissive is not passive. It takes power to surrender. It takes self-awareness to say yes and to say no. It is not about giving up your power. It is about choosing someone safe enough to hold it.
Your Relationship Isn’t Safe Enough for Surrender
The women I work with are exhausted by their relationships, exhausted by their own survival strategies. Most are with emotionally unavailable or underfunctioning partners. Most are burned out from leading. And the sex is performative because the connection is performative.
The control is masking the lack of safety. Kink reveals all of this. And it can also begin to repair it. But you can’t skip straight to kink. You can’t bypass nervous system regulation, hormone balance, and the basics of pleasure. That’s why everything you’ve tried hasn’t worked.
You Can’t Skip to Kink
Kink is not where we start. It’s where we go when we’re ready for pleasure mastery, when your body feels safe enough to tolerate sensation. When you’ve reclaimed your yes and your no. When you’ve remembered that pleasure is your birthright. Not something you earn by performing. Something you receive by feeling.
This Is What We Do in Pleasure Principles
That’s what we do inside Pleasure Principles. We stop pretending. We stop performing sex and start learning what lights us up. We reconnect with the parts of ourselves that have been buried under control, strategy, and perfection. We build safety. We regulate. We receive.
If you are ready to get out of your own way and start enjoying pleasure again, it’s time to take the Pleasure Path Assessment and get to the root of your low libido. Take the Pleasure Path assessment NOW, then let’s unlock your inner Dom.
You’re Ready.
If this has awakened something in you. If it scared you a little. If you felt seen. That’s your body saying yes. That’s your next step.
I have two spots open for private coaching. [APPLY HERE] This is where we do the deep work. This is where we fast-track you to the kind of intimacy and safety you’ve always wanted but never thought you could ask for.
Let’s get you out of survival and into sensation. Let’s find your version of surrender. It’s not too late. You’re not too much. You’re just finally ready.
Grab your live Pleasure Path Assessment and get the answers you've been looking for.
Hi! I'm Jordin, owner and creator of The Pleasure Collective
I believe that high-achieving women deserve deep intimacy, fulfilling relationships, and pleasure in every area of their lives—without sacrificing their success. My work helps women experience more energy, more connection, and feel fully seen, supported, and loved. I’m here to guide you in breaking free from burnout, prioritizing pleasure, and creating lasting fulfillment—emotionally, physically, and relationally.
