#185 10 Phrases That Turn High-Achieving Women On When She is Burned Out (Make Her Want Sex Again)

I had two clients yesterday. Both came on the call overwhelmed, crusty, and resentful. And they left smiling. Flushed. Alive. Turned on.

I’m going to tell you why.

If you are a high-achieving woman with so much success in your career, if you have what you said you always wanted, but when it comes to sex, connection, intimacy, joy, presence, something’s missing… this is for you.

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You’re numb. You’re resentful. Intimacy feels like one more thing on your never-ending list.

When Doing Everything Right Still Feels Wrong

You’ve done everything right. Career. Family. The personal development work. You’ve read the books and had the conversations. Tried to communicate better. But sex still feels like pressure. You still feel disconnected. You still feel like there’s something wrong with you. Or is something wrong with your relationship?

But what if it’s neither?

What if it’s your nervous system? What if it’s your super traits? What if the same qualities that make you excellent in life are the same ones shutting down your pleasure and desire to have sex?

Why High Achievers Need a Different Kind of Turn On

We often joke that I know how to turn my clients on better than their own partners. Because I understand something most people don’t. Everything we’ve been taught about sex and intimacy doesn’t apply to superwomen. High achievers. People pleasers. Those with super traits.

It’s not codependency. It’s not attachment styles. It’s not a communication problem.

If you are trying to fix the distance in your relationship without looking at your nervous system and your super traits, it’s a big miss.

That’s why I created the Pleasure Path Assessment. So you can finally get some answers. So you can see what your super traits are and how they’re negatively impacting your relationship. These traits make you so good at everything else but not at sex, not at connection.

Your Nervous System Is Not the Enemy

Our nervous systems are the key. Our ability to receive pleasure is the key.

And this is something I teach my clients. I teach them the kind of language that helps their body soften. Helps their jaw unclench. Helps their erotic aliveness stir. Maybe just a little at first.

Because the women I work with are always on. And by being on all the time, by checking things off the list, by managing everything for everyone, their pleasure centers shut down.

They’re stuck in functional freeze. Getting things done during the day but turned off. No capacity for the extras. On the couch with their favorite numbing behavior. Food. Wine. TV. Online shopping. Doing the emotional labor in every relationship. On empty.

So when their partner hits them with “Wanna do it?” or “You’re so hot, look at my erection,” it’s not going to land.

But something else might.

Before the Phrases: Start with Breath and Safety

Take a breath. Soften your jaw. Breathe into your pelvic floor.

Let yourself land in your body. Just a little more than you’re used to. Because these are the phrases that make your body say yes, that help you soften. That helps you feel safe enough to feel.

The 10 Phrases That Make Her Want Sex Again

1. You don’t have to carry this alone anymore. I’ve got you

2. I already looked into it and booked the appointment

3. You being turned on is what turns me on

4. I made dinner and cleaned the kitchen. Go take a bath. I’ll be up in a minute

5. I noticed you’ve been holding a lot. Want me to just hold you or do you want to vent

6. I handled it. I knew you wanted it done right

7. I realized I’ve been expecting you to lead everything. That stops now

8. I know I’ve relied on you to regulate things emotionally. I’m working on being safer for you

9. Remember when we first started dating and I’d take my time seducing you. Let’s try that tomorrow

10. You don’t have to do anything. Just let me worship you
    What would feel good to you right now. No pressure. I’m here for it

These are the phrases that regulate her. That help her feel seen. That make her feel safe enough to want sex again.

Not because they are clever or erotic. But because they speak to the part of her that is exhausted. The part that always leads. Always knows. Always adjusts. Always carries it all.

You Are Not Broken. You Are Burned Out.

My clients show up overwhelmed. We co-regulate. We troubleshoot. I give suggestions. And I watch her spark come back.

If your body doesn’t respond to touch, if you’re snapping at your kids and your partner, if you want sex just to feel close or don’t want it at all, this might not be about desire. This might be about survival mode.

You deserve to be met. You deserve a relationship that feels safe. Supported. Nourishing. Even in a long-term relationship. Even after years of disconnection.

Take the Next Step

If you are ready to find your way back to sex that feels good, take the Pleasure Path Assessment. It’s the self-discovery tool for high-achieving women who feel disconnected from their body and their desire.

You will discover your erotic shutdown style, your top super traits, and the exact stage of the Pleasure Path you’re in.

You do not have to choose between success and sex. You get to have both. You were made for both.