#181 Why Couples & Sex Therapy Doesn’t Work for High-Achieving Women

Why Communication Doesn’t Fix Sexless Marriages

Why you don't need to communicate better and other weaponized advice from couples therapy and Instagram influencers. I was a part of this problem. These are the things keeping you stuck in your sexless marriage.

If your relationship feels like a never-ending conversation with no change, no lasting change, chances are you don't need to communicate better. You need to understand coercive control and power dynamics.

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Super Traits and the Communication Loop

Most high-achieving women aren't bad at communication. They run companies. They run households. They are great at taking the emotional temperature of the room and understanding people's needs. But these traits, these super traits, in their relationships lead to overfunctioning. We ask. We remind. When nothing changes, we just do it ourselves. We cry. We shut down. And we stay stuck in the loop. What is going on? Are our standards too high? Are we too controlling? Are we too much? Are we too emotional?

Why Scripts Fail When Power Is Unequal

If you have tried the 'I' statements, the sandwich feedback, said it more softly, waited until he wasn’t tired, said it in ten different ways, and nothing changed, it is not because you are broken. It is because those frameworks only work in relationships where there is equal effort.

Most of the women I work with are doing everything they can. They are not being met. They are being blamed for trying too hard, for asking for too much. But really, they are being impacted by coercive control. And it is not always malicious. It can manifest in invisible labor, emotional labor, and the unspoken assumptions we carry as women, especially those with super traits.

Communication Without Power Is Just Noise

Communication does not fix power dynamics. And if we are honest with ourselves, much of what we call communication is actually performance. We are saying what we think we need to speak to get a reaction, a result, a change. But we are still not being met. Our bodies know it. The resentment grows. We start to shut down. Or we explode. We get sick, migraines, rashes, hormonal changes, and numbness. The emotional labor is showing up in our bodies.

The Real Work Starts With Nervous System Safety

This is not about blaming your partner or rushing to leave. However, it's about being radically honest. If you are begging to be met, begging to be seen, begging to be touched in a way that feels good, and nothing changes, it is time to stop over-functioning and start feeling. It is time to build safety in your body first. Learn what relational safety actually feels like. Learn what it feels like to hold sensation. This is the nervous system work that most high-achieving women have never been taught. And it changes everything.

You Don’t Need Better Scripts

You do not need better scripts. You need a better framework. One that accounts for your super traits. One that helps you stop spinning in emotional labor. One that teaches power-conscious communication and enables you to reclaim your desire. That is what I teach inside the [Pleasure Principles Group Coaching Program].

We dismantle the over-functioning loop that is draining your desire and rebuild your capacity for turning on, speaking the truth, and receiving. The summer cohort starts June 25, and at the time I am recording this, there are only three spots left. [JOIN HERE]

This is your moment to stop doing this alone and start using your super traits for pleasure, not just performance.

Not ready for The Pleasure Principles but want to get to the bottom of why you are struggling to have that pleasure-filled relationship you desire. Grab your [Pleasure Path Assessment Here] and together let’s uncover what is truly holding you back from what you want.