#180 5 Questions Couples Having Great Sex Are Asking Each Other

There is no shortage of sexy conversation prompts. All of these men's coaches and writers writing those spicy things that you're like, yes, press save on social. I even have a free guide to dirty talk. But there is a massive disconnect from you reading my dirty talk guide, hearing me talk about it on here, saving the post on Instagram, and actually taking action in your sexless relationship.

And you might even get the courage to work up to sending a flirty text and not hear back, and then it just reinforces the pattern, and we go back into shutdown.

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So if you've already tried the question prompts, the card games, the tips, the therapy scripts, the I statements, the sandwich feedback, and you've read Nonviolent Communication, and nothing changes. You are not alone.

This belief reinforces the belief that we superwomen are the problem. And if that is you, this is for you.

Why Communication Scripts Fail

Our relationships leave us feeling unseen, untouched, in a way that truly turns us on, and unsure why. I’m blending my clinical expertise, lived experience as a survivor of intimate partner violence and sexual abuse, to help you see what’s possible for your life, rooted in pleasure. Let’s uncover the real roots of intimacy struggles, negative pleasure beliefs, misdirected sex education, and relationships shaped by invisible coercive dynamics.

We are talking about the five questions couples having great sex are asking each other.

Question 1 - What Would You Do for an Hour of Foreplay

Maybe you feel comfortable asking it. Maybe you'd want to hear the answer. Might have some ideas from a romance novel. I want you to reverse it too. What would you do to make foreplay last an entire hour?

Most Superwomen can't seduce because our nervous system is dysregulated. We couldn't be present with pleasure for an entire hour to receive it.

Can you relax for an hour? Can you sit and do nothing? Don't scroll your phone, don't think about it. Just sit and be present, breathe, and feel the sensations in your body. Probably not. Because your pleasure centers are turned off.

Question 2 - When Do You Feel Most Desired by Me

This one brings up some visibility and emotional truth. But if we have negative pleasure beliefs, we often fear being too much, too needy, especially when we want to be desired.

You might associate being desirable with objectification, not connection. Maybe you've been told your needs are too big or too inconvenient. Maybe you feel emotionally invisible in your relationship.

Question 3 - What’s One Desire You’ve Never Said Out Loud

This question is about unlocking erotic truth. But if you're still untangling shame, if you've never experienced clean consent-based communication, it activates trauma or shutdown rather than turn on.

We might fear rejection. We might fear ridicule. And sometimes we've not had a partner that feels emotionally safe enough to fully hold our truth.

Question 4 -What Would Turn You On Right Now

This question requires presence, embodiment, and emotional availability. Most of my clients draw a blank when I ask this. They’ve been in go mode all day. They’re in their lizard brain. Their pleasure centers are off.

Many Superwomen feel the pressure to get it right rather than follow her turn on. Your body is protecting you from intimacy that does not feel mutual or safe.

Question 5: What Have You Been Enjoying and Want More Of

This sounds good on the surface. We would want to know that. But for many women, this ends in criticism, blame, or shutdown.

Many of the women I work with are accustomed to presenting edited versions of themselves. This question requires us to say the truth, and that can feel terrifying. The truth is, if you are enjoying the sex you're having, you're going to want more of it.

You’re Not Doing It Wrong

If you found yourself thinking, That sounds amazing, but I could never actually say that, or if it would not go over well, you're not alone, and you're not doing it wrong. You've just been handed the wrong script.

One that rewards you for performing intimacy instead of feeling and embodying it.

This is part one of a two-part series. In part two, we’re going to talk about why you don’t need to communicate better and why weaponized therapy advice is keeping you stuck in a sexless marriage.

 If you are ready to learn how to make that shift, join me for the next round of Pleasure Principles. We start on June 25. [Join Us HERE]

Not ready for the full program but craving clarity? Start with the live Pleasure Path Assessment and get the answers you've been looking for. [Grab your spot here.]