#177 The Real Reason You Don’t Want Sex in Your “Good” Relationship

I hear this all the time. My husband is great. He’s patient. He supports my career. He’s a great dad. But you don’t want to have sex with him. Or maybe he doesn’t want to have sex with you.

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There’s emotional distance. You feel lonely in a relationship that should feel safe. You’re carrying the mental load, doing everything, and wondering what’s wrong with you.

You’re not broken. You’re not ungrateful. You might just be starving.

This happens often for high-achieving women with what I call supertraits. Empathy. Loyalty. Perseverance. Flexibility. You’ve built the career, taken care of the family, and tried every personal development tool. But your desire feels gone. You’re shut down and disconnected.

And when there’s no big red flag to point to, you start blaming yourself. You think it must be your hormones. Your trauma. Your mindset.

But what if the problem was never you

The “Whatever You Want” Trap

He says, whatever you want babe. Sounds nice. But you’re the one planning vacations, managing money, handling the kids, doing the groceries. He’s not leading. He’s not meeting you. And it builds quiet resentment that kills desire.

Withholding That Looks Like Calm

He doesn’t yell or slam doors. He just gets quiet. He says he needs space. You don’t even know what you did wrong. You try to bring up your emotional needs, but he disappears. That silence might look better than drama, but it doesn’t feel safe in your body. And when you don’t feel safe, your erotic self disappears.

Praise Without Partnership

You’re amazing. You do so much. I love you. The words are there, but the effort isn’t. He praises you but checks out of emotional labor and erotic connection. There’s no seduction. No intimacy. Just a performance of support.

And when you’ve tried everything and nothing makes it better, you start thinking maybe this is just how it is. You justify the distance. You tell yourself to be grateful. You stop asking for more.

A Real Story: Vanessa

Vanessa is a high-achieving woman with a kind, supportive husband and two kids. They hadn’t had sex in over a year. When they did, it was only when she initiated.

She took the [Pleasure Path Assessment] and cried. She told me she had never felt so seen. Her husband had stepped back and told her, you let me know when you want it. He thought he was being respectful, but it gave the person doing everything even more responsibility.

Once Vanessa could name it, she finally stopped blaming herself. She could breathe again. It made sense.

You’re Not Broken. You’re Just Starving

This is what I see over and over with high-functioning women. Supertraits are praised, but they’re also used. And when you’re not being met in love or intimacy, your body will tell you something’s wrong.

You don’t need to blow up your life to fix it. But you do need to tell the truth.

Take the [Pleasure Path Assessment.] It’s a live intimacy mapping session where we uncover your erotic shutdown style and walk through your personalized reconnection plan. [Grab Yours Today HERE]

There’s a reason you don’t want sex. And it’s not because something is wrong with you. It’s because no one ever taught you how to name what you need.