#175 Why Sex Therapy Doesn’t Work for High-Functioning Women and What Actually Does

You’ve Done the Therapy. Why Are You Still the Problem?

You’ve done the therapy. You’ve read the books. You’ve tried to fix it.

But if you’ve ever sat on a therapist’s couch and walked away wondering why you still feel like the problem, this is for you.

Therapy isn’t broken. It just wasn’t built for women like us, high-functioning, high-achieving women with super traits. Women who hold it all together while silently unraveling in their relationships, their bodies, and their bedrooms.

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The Real Problem with Traditional Therapy

What most therapy models miss is the role of power dynamics and emotional labor. They focus on saving the relationship, not supporting the individual woman. When therapy pathologizes pain instead of naming power, the result is more blame on the woman who’s already doing too much.

You’re not too emotional. You’re not controlling. You’re exhausted.

How many times have you heard some version of “if you communicated better, he would respond better”? Or been told to try a bath, drink a glass of wine, focus on self-care, while your partner’s role goes unexamined?

Therapy Told You to Shrink. Your Body Knows Better.

I’ve had clients tell me they brought up working with me in therapy, only to be told that their personal growth would leave their partner behind. In what world is a man seeking growth met with resistance? If he said he found a coach to help with anger or sex skills, we’d applaud it. But when a woman wants support, therapy often frames her desire for more as the problem.

I’ve been that woman. Crying on the therapist’s couch. Pregnant. Snot was running down my face. Wondering why I could help other couples create pleasure-centered relationships, but couldn’t fix my own. Wondering what was wrong with me.

It wasn’t me. It was the system.

The Over-functioning Loop

Therapy tends to meet the relationship at the level of the under-functioning partner. It encourages the woman to shrink, to do more, to carry the emotional load again. Plan the date night. Lower your expectations. Be less.

And when she finally burns out or breaks down, she’s labeled as too much.

But here’s the truth. Your pussy knows. She knows when she’s being gaslit. She knows when she’s not safe. She knows when you’re not being cared for.

No, It’s Not You

Even the most popular therapy models, like EFT, assume both people have the same capacity for love, care, and emotional availability. But you don’t. You’re the one people rely on. When you leave a role, it takes three people to replace you.

Therapy doesn’t account for that.

So instead of seeing your compassion, resilience, and capacity as strengths, therapy can label them as problems. Instead of asking whether your partner is capable of love outside this system, it asks you to do more work. Be less needy. Lower your standards. Make it easier for him.

It’s Not Codependency. It’s a Survival Strategy.

And let’s talk about codependency. I was angry the first time someone said that to me. I gaslit myself into believing it for years. But what if what we call codependency is actually a survival strategy inside a system that demands women overfunction and stay silent?

What if you’re not broken, but stuck in a dynamic that was never built for you?

Therapy often misses this. It focuses on attachment wounds without questioning the system. It talks about sex without naming that penetrative sex is not pleasurable for two-thirds of women. It centers men’s pleasure, their pace, their comfort, and calls that normal.

The System Was Never Designed for You

And if you make more money, if you’re the one with the emotional intelligence, the education, the drive, it gets even more complex. The system was never designed for you.

So no, you don’t need another diagnosis. You don’t need to shrink your needs. You need someone to assess power dynamics, someone who honors your super traits instead of shaming them.

Here’s What Actually Works

That’s why I created the Pleasure Path assessment. It’s not a quiz. It’s a mirror and a map. It’s the tool I wish I had when I was spending thousands on therapy, coaching, and self-help, wondering if I was broken.

We look at the real reasons for erotic shutdown. Is it hormones? Is it trauma? Is it communication? Is it a power imbalance? You’ll walk away knowing what’s going wrong and exactly what to do next.

You don’t have to stay stuck. You don’t have to settle. You don’t have to gaslight yourself anymore.

You can build a pleasure-centered relationship. One where you are not the fixer, the translator, or the one doing the emotional heavy lifting. A relationship where you get to be held, chosen, and met.

You get to stop performing. You get to start receiving.

And it starts by knowing the truth and finally choosing yourself.

Connect with Jordin

If you’re ready to uncover the truth behind erotic shutdown and finally reconnect with your pleasure, book your Live Pleasure Path Assessment with Jordin. [JOIN HERE]

Check out The Pleasure Principles Group Coaching [CLICK HERE TO CHECK OUT THE JUNE COHORT]

Connect on Instagram [@drjordinwiggins]

Listen to Episode #157 The 5 Super Traits Blocking Your Desire  [LISTEN HERE]