Sexual dysfunction is everywhere. More than 40% of women report some type of sexual dysfunction in their lives…and I whole-heartedly believe that number is significantly underreported.
Sex and pleasure are two of the greatest joys of life. So why are so many of us in sexless marriages?
Why are younger generations having less sex than ever before?
Why are women accepting empty lives, devoid of pleasure? Why do we think having 3 kids or being over the age of 55 means we aren’t entitled to pleasure anymore?
Because we have been taught, guilted and shamed into thinking that good sex and real pleasure just aren’t for us.
I don’t want that for you. I want a world filled with happy women who know what they desire and know how to get it – passionate, playful and overfilled with pleasure.
Here are the 10 mindset adjustments you can start making today as your first step to a pleasure (and orgasm) filled life…
We have been led to believe that pleasure is a dirty, naughty and sinful thing. People even cringe at the word pleasure like it is a curse word that shouldn’t be used in public. This is especially true for women, who are taught from childhood to dress appropriately, not be too direct and never ever let anyone know how much you enjoy sex.
I’m here to tell you that is wrong.
Pleasure is wonderful and we all deserve to have it every single day.
Yes, we are very busy. We have full-time jobs, and kids to take care of and bosses that don’t see anything wrong in sending an important email at 2pm on a Sunday.
But we can make time for the things that are important to us, like the extra dance rehearsal that just got scheduled or the deadline that has been moved up by a week.
The real problem is that pleasure is not a priority! We need to move pleasure to a higher position on the to-do list, preferably above Instagram and the newest season of Orange is the New Black.
We are spending too much time sitting around waiting to be turned on and ready for intimacy.
Truth bomb…it’s not going to happen like it does in the movies.
We need to actively take control of our pleasure by doing things to cultivate it for ourselves! Don’t sit around waiting to get spontaneously in the mood, you will be waiting a looongggg time.
I have met an abundance of women who have never had an orgasm in their life, on their own or with a partner. It is SO much more common than you think.
And because sex for women is often about a lot more than penetration (many women physically can’t come from penetration alone) and involves all sorts of emotions, hormones and feelings…worrying about when and how you orgasm is only going to make it harder to orgasm.
Start by learning your own body without the added pressure of a partner – what do you like? What feels good? Have fun with it!
Mutual orgasm is another fairy-tale trope we can blame Hollywood for.
It is not very sexy to be worrying about speeding up or slowing down your orgasm just so that it happens at the same time as your partner.
Wouldn’t it be better to be present in the moment, share the experience with your partner and let your orgasm happen when you are ready?
Hey, maybe if you stop worrying about finishing at the same time as your partner, you’ll be relaxed enough to have 2 ;)
A lot of rumours surround this idea, including that because women typically have lower testosterone levels, they just want sex less in general.
That is just simply not true (and a part of the reason we haven’t been able to fix female sexual dysfunction with a testosterone replacement).
Low libido in women is a product of a much bigger story – cultural pressures, religious beliefs, guilt and shame, hormones imbalance, mindset and attitudes.
There are lots of reasons for a low sex drive, but simply being a woman is not one of them!
Why do we think that after women are through their child-bearing years, they are all of a sudden incapable of experiencing pleasure.
We are giving up on years of good sex, pleasure and playfulness because we have incorrectly learned that female desire shuts off the second you no longer get a regular period.
This is just simply untrue.
I find this mindset common with women who have been raised in a belief system that emphasizes sex for reproduction only and busy women who put the needs of their kids, their husband, their parents, their boss, and their dog before their own.
Of course sex seems useless if you don’t make it a priority. Of course it feels like a chore if you have never learned about the true, deep, pleasure and connection you can share with your partner through sex.
Sex is fun and we all have a right to it!
I run into this attitude a lot, that sex and pleasure are things that happen to us, not things that we can create and control.
If you think you have no control over your sex drive, then there is no way you can change it.
But I am telling you that you do. With some education, mindset work and trial and error you will open your mind and body to experiencing pleasure in a way you didn’t even know was possible.
Nothing kills the mood faster than a creeping negative thought.
“Am I doing this right?"
“How do I look?”
“Is this how other people do it?”
But the truth is, everyone worries about sex. They worry about how their body looks, how long it takes them to orgasm, about wanting sex too much, about being into certain things and not being into others.
The solution? Recognizing that nothing is wrong with you. You are completely normal and it is natural to discover new thoughts as you figure out what you like and what you don’t like.
If you are ready to do some serious work on changing your mindset for a pleasure filled life, it’s time to schedule your free strategy call to see if The Pleasure Principles Coaching Program is right for you.
Your pleasure-filled life is waiting